A Fresh Start

Dear deers,                                                                       August 29, 2018

Basically, my life has been cuckoo crazy as is many of yours I am sure. After a whirlwind of a year, emotionally, physically and all involved, I made many huge changes in my life that were, well, emotionally, physically and all involving of my time and energy. Those changes started taking effect quicker than my mind perceived that they were going to and my heart took awhile to be completely okay with the process I wasn’t prepared to perceive. Let’s go ahead and go with the thought that my life changed more than I expected to in a matter of months and I learned more than I thought I possibly could about living and my own soul more than I thought I was about to in my first year after high school.

I do want to ask however, how are you? I do hope well.

Now to begin, I will go a little backwards, because my mind works in a strange way. Furthermore, I see letters as colors. People as colors. Everything is in colors. Do you understand or see the same? I don’t feel this is a strange thing, yet it is a bit different as I have seen how it affects me in my day-to-day life. Certain colors draw certain feelings from me, this relates to the letters and people who also receive different colors from my mind subconsciously. I don’t assign a color on purpose, it just happens. I think this is my body’s way of telling me how my body and heart and mind are sensing a situation or various people. Throughout my next few writings I want to take you from the now and back to the lessons and events that brought me to the mindset and place I am currently in, and I want to use these colors to show you how I think God gives us all different mentalities or sensings to navigate our way through life. These gifts God gives us are unique, just like your story and YOU.

Look, my backpack!

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I love the aesthetic here, folks. We got pastels, flowers, polka dots, and need I say, woodland animal pals! 🙂

On Monday August 27, 2018, I started taking courses at a community college in a major city in my state. This is my second year out of high school. I have not taken college courses since I was in high school as part of the college credit plus program where I was grateful to earn some credit for basic courses for free. I am just now on my journey again to achieve a passion of mine that I decided on finally, THEATRE! Musical theatre to be more specific, is where I see my life taking me for the moment. How I decided, we will get to, but for now, we shall pretend that I have known theatre has been my absolute choice for years to journey onward with and theatre only. Oh the irony.

I am taking a basic course about interpersonal communications that I am required to take. The course talks about creating, managing, growing and also, if the time calls for it, knowing how to CUT off relationships in life, whether they be romantic or not. The actual definition for interpersonal relationships is as follows- the process through which people create and maintain relationships, exercising mutual responsibility in creating meaning. How do I know that fancy worded definition? I had a quick quiz on it today, hehe. I did get 10/10 so that’s a good start, am I right? It always feels good to start off with a perfect grade in the class, establish that positive baseline I like to think.

I am also taking an online math class I have to take. I love math. The class has not yet started. I should be fine. No, take that back. I will be fine. I know my math.

Now onto the theatre classes. I want to pursue musical theatre, however the college doesn’t have a specific musical theatre program, but rather a dance, theatre and music program of which I have kind of created my own little musical theatre program from and will take classes from each emphasis and I shan’t let anyone stop me, hehe. If I do decide to take 2 more years of school and transfer to a musical theatre program at another school, I will have experience and credits to follow me over right into the program of artsy splendor.

The classes I am taking within my made up musical theatre program for myself are acting one and voice.

I cannot wait to share more of my experiences in my classes, but again as this is just a where are am I currently, I will hold back a bit. Let’s be honest, I may jump back and forth a bit, and that’s okay too.

My acting one class is very theatrical and artsty. My voice class is very positive and informative.

Tomorrow in voice I take my range test, so hopefully when my upbeat professor plays the piano for me, and I sing off the notes, my range behaves. I have a voice lesson tonight with my talented and sweet voice teacher of several years which will surely help engrave some confidence in me for tomorrow as well as vocal practice and proper usage.

My theatre professor has a different method to approach acting in class and I must say it is increasingly difficult for me to use his method. I am open to new approaches, this will be a challenge for me though. Ultimately, I understand, I can take what I learn and apply it to myself if I decide it is helpful as I don’t wanna lose what helps me and makes me, me, but I still wanna dive in a bit if I can to the new technique.  He told me to maybe approach the class with fresh eyes, as he knows I have done theatre for many years, and yet told me I am being clever and being an actor before almost correcting these description words he placed upon me. What he wants for me to do is yes, be clever, yes act, but just BE. I need to BE, follow my impulses, don’t analyze beforehand and do what feels right. Well, well, well, here is where my already developing in a different way somewhat of acting mindset, logical mindset, literal outlook and artsy side all start clashing. We do short, no more than 6 line plays, to start getting comfortable, and already my professor said to me, I need to not RELAX as that can be taken negatively to someone being told it, but to find ways to ease myself.

This is difficult.

You’ll learn more and more, I don’t do the whole relaxing thing much. I stress. I fidget. I am a busy body. My mind keeps me spinning and my heart is seemingly really into rushing often. Yet, the deep breathes my professor prescribed me, did help.

What will come of class? I am not sure.

All I know is that I feel fresh this week. My life feels like it is going in the direction I have deep in my heart has known it could and should be for years, and not just because of my path to a life on the stage taking, hehe, taking the stage, but on other branches too.

I feel like I was just born into some new time period and am now on a clean slate of doing what it is I want and nothing can or is holding me back. I am me. I believe this is God bringing me out of the dimly lit and giving me a new or just different lightbulb to use on this adventure.

2 Corinthians 4:6 “For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.”

My walk with God most certainly has brought this light even brighter for me this year.

I have my first audition next week for a play called A View from the Bridge with the college. It is going to be playing at a famous theatre area in the city at a huge theatre in that famous theatre area. I feel delighted to say the least to even get to audition.

Onto the color.

Anywho, I was on a walk around campus my first day and found these flowers. It reminded me of a new season that is blooming, bright and colorful. My aesthetic this is. The bright pink is a color I see of guidance and new vibes for myself for the now. I feel more like me than ever, but a different me. God is giving me something new, something to develop. It is blue as well. The atmosphere and my soul feels blue, but not sad blue, new blue. I don’t think the blue will go away too soon either, it seems stuck like, glue. (I took the opportunity for a rhyme there.)

I love colors, yes.

They are bright and not so much.

They mean a whole lot.

There was a color haiku. Haiku for a rhyme with blue and glue.

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I also saw a squirrel on my walk. I used to have may squirrel friends last year at a certain place too on my walks.

Life is funny.

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Have a good day.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

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