Month Color Yellow, but in a Butter Way

Dear dears,

It’s May. It is spring and not only are the flowers blooming colorfully around us and are trees growing their luscious leaves of green and birds continue singing their chirps through the morning breeze, but life is starting again. That’s what spring is, a new beginning of the seasonal changes in regards to growth in a simple sense. Spring also seems to be the time of year that people begin to become a bit happier in an all around purport, this is most likely due to the fact that the sun is shining more so and the temperature is a typical of folk comfortable to let loose outside more. Nature is truly a place of peace for many people including myself. Spring brings newness, spring brings refreshment and this means change.

Nonetheless, I am not feeling it in the way I have before, that “newness”, but I am feeling it in a way I always wanted.

Most springs, well springs that I can specifically remember, my life has always undergone huge change around this time of year. We can be simple in this change and for a reference let’s be nostalgic and go back to me being freshly 18 and just graduating high school. You can imagine, that is a change. I now have decisions to make on what I am going to do with my life going forward, and it isn’t that I didn’t before, but I had more ability to let myself do completely what I wanted, finally. To add, considering the way I am, I had many ideas, many whirring possibilities, and dream upon dream forming.

Are my bigger life changes due to the fact it is spring or just coincidence? I think it is a bit of both. However, I come to expect spring to always be the time my life starts taking on a new color, as I usually think. This year it didn’t. I always wanted my life, or at least just for a little while in my life, sometimes, to feel at ease, and stable when it comes to my emotions. My life in the past was usually so full of drama, and emotions tend to run high, I make my life dramatic, I get involved in dramatic occurrences and life happenings, and I make my own personal thoughts dramatic. Dramatic doesn’t necessarily mean negative, but it makes life different, maybe overwhelming at times, or maybe even more exciting too.

Well, I suppose a part of my pink year and feeling that sweet feeling of pink I know God is giving me, is also feeling serene.

Don’t get me wrong, I love feeling serene and find it so often in small moments in my day, like seeing the moon stare down at me, shining with nothing, but the sound of crickets and God’s calming presence with me, or sitting outside, covered by the branches of trees above me, busy with squirrels and photosynthesis. Okay, see? Nature is peace bringing. Anywho, I almost had to purposely search for those moments of serenity, (I just wrote a one act play for college called “Collecting Serene Moments”, that is a fun fact for your day) or stumble upon them and appreciate them as much as I could, knowing God gave them each to me to love.

Now I have a stable feeling of serenity in my everyday life and foreseeable future. The serene feeling isn’t as strong as the serene moments I feel when I am out looking at the moon, but it’s a serene feeling of serene. It isn’t a loud color, it is a toned down color, it is butter yellow.

You see, my life has become stable due to the fact that God’s purpose for me is aligning with my passions, and my passions are aligning with God’s purpose for me and I am purposefully trying to grow myself in His purpose for me. I don’t feel so unsure right now on what He wants for me. I love that, and I am working at it.

I am finished with another semester of college today. I found out I get to teach drama to kids continuing to work at the school I am an APS teacher at currently for the summer, which means I don’t HAVE to or even WANT to change jobs again, for the time being. If you know me, I am not scared to change jobs. Scratch that, I am sometimes scared, well I feel bad, but I still change jobs if I feel God is calling me to. It’s nice to not change jobs though and be excited about the future of my job. It’s exciting to know that if I want to finish up school, most of my schooling is done, now I can focus on majority of ONLY classes pertaining to theatre and performance, unless I decide upon journalism or science still. You never know. Again, scratch that. I never know.

Besides school and my job, my life outside of those two things, isn’t really out of usual right now, which is very strange for me. For one thing, now that I have, oh my goodness, you don’t know probably anything that has happened in the last about 2 months unless you actually know me, which I knew, I just said oh my goodness for dramatic effect (see? I like some dramatic vibes, unless maybe I don’t anymore as I am on this serenity wave? Oooh, waves are serene, okay bye, except not bye because I am still writing), but I have my own theatre company now, which I shared, but I also got to perform in New York City in an off off Broadway skit, which I will have to share as it was what I believe is a God given glimpse into what will be if I keep working hard, but understand that now isn’t the time, keep the dream going, but work where I am at. Ontop of that some very beautiful blessings have come regarding The Luminescent Moon from getting to connect with thrilled folks on the fact that my hometown is having a theatre company, to getting to let the word be shared of my talented crew and cast of The Diary of Anne Frank in a huge newspaper, written so kindly and thoroughly, to getting to have my first radio interview to share the word of my crew and cast yet again and their beautiful talents and to finally getting God’s gift of sharing the crew and cast’s hard work and beautiful talents with my hometown at a historic and beautiful theatre. Thank you God. ❤

Now I am planning our next show already, and I was practically offered a sweet role in a somewhat dream or goal show with a huge possibility in my hometown and all the excitement my theatre life seems to bring I don’t only do theatre, outside of my life of theatre, my own personal life is also serene. I go to work, while my job is challenging, it is meaningful, I find myself experiencing so many small stories of my littles and I find it rewarding to hopefully make an impact in their young lives. I look forward to college as a future training experience to open doors if I go back full time with classes pertaining completely to what I decide. I look forward to the fact that God gave me my piece of rewarding passion that I needed while being in Ohio. A while ago I was struggling on finding out why God wanted me to stay in Ohio. The constant back and forth and change I was undergoing here was becoming silly to me, I didn’t get where I was going and why I wasn’t going where I thought I should be. God gave me this job that I want to keep for the time being so I can really work in the lives of the children through my passion that I find theatre being so important in sharing stories of humans with others, He gave me my college possibility of looking exciting and not boring, but full of hope, He gave me my company to bring more of my passion to the hometown I grew up in and do what I want to do with it, I get to decide with Him every step of the way. He gave me the opportunity to become more involved with the church I attend, to sing and worship Him. I hope to grow in ministry. He gave me kind friendships and the feeling of not being alone. I love being alone, I do, but I don’t feel so alone right now. I feel apart of something, I don’t know what, but it’s neat to feel this way. He brought me a sense of serenity, I am not worried much, I am living in the moment more so, and I will let it stay for now. He gave me a blessing and it’s yellow, a butter yellow, and I could say it “butter” stay for the sense of a pun, but if my life changed once more, I wouldn’t be surprised and if I end up as a rancher in Utah next week, I’d be along for the ride. Literally, if I am a rancher I may be riding a horse.

Life is pink, and it is the pink I knew God was giving me this year. It is sweet pink. I didn’t quite realize serenity was going to be so sweet. I love it.

So with my life feeling stable and I don’t currently anticipate WANTING at the moment to make any big changes, for once, I welcome the serenity fully. I welcome the stability for now. The stability I think prepares me for the adventure that lies ahead. Thank you God. He is amazing. Jesus Christ is amazing. I love them.

I hope you feel serene and good blessings friends, until next time? I hope next time is sooner this time. I do.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

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