I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re feeling relaxed. I hope you feel the love God has for you.
This week in particular has been an utterly light blue shade. Blue can be so many feelings from feeling down to feeling alright to feeling cheery to feeling hope.
This week it’s just a bit of all of that, but primarily I’m feeling understanding. I’m feeling soothed by God’s gift of helping me look behind me and being glad I was the way I was, so I know how much He brought me through, showed me, helped me become who I am now, and not feel hurt or downtrodden by the seeming pitfulls, pressures and pains of the past, but hopeful I will now have a better understanding of the excitement of the future He has planned for us.
I tend to be a nostalgic person. I used to get so caught up in feelings I once felt, whether it be from the love I had for a certain passion or the feelings I had being around certain people who make me glad I am around the correct place to meet them. I couldn’t let myself believe that the future was full of feelings I didn’t even yet know I could experience, and that I would always find those feelings again, but even more, more beautiful ones that God had waiting.
I’m a huge feeling person. I love feeling. I take small moments and let myself feel them to the fullest. One thing I do all of the time is look around me when I’m outside, my true habitat. I look around, take in the scent of the flowers swaying their scent in the wind, hearing the birdies chirping their sweet tunes and watch the green hues of leaves flourish in the wind, back and forth, back and forth. I enjoy this moment and enjoy that I feel nothing, but love and comfort in God’s beautiful life given to us.
I love feeling and truthfully, I know deep in me that God is always providing more beautiful feelings than I can currently predict.
Though there are moments when I am so throughout me happy, and happy is not a word that should be taken lightly. I mean, happy is a strong word. It isn’t always an easy thing to be happy, but it is the feeling I love so much because I find myself choosing it day after day. Those moments when I am so throughout me happy are moments when I think I’ll never feel the same sort of happy again. Those moments pass and all I want is to grab them back.
When I was a senior in high school I found myself having new freedoms, becoming more independent and learning more about what God was bringing in my future. I had this feeling of fascination at what was in store. This then led into a year I unexpectedly found new feelings from. Feelings of every color seemed to ensue except that they didn’t.
These past two years were full of feelings that I continully let myself embrace inside of me, trying to understand what I was going through, why I may or may not have enjoyed a specific feeling and what I wanted to change. I ended up learning so much from God.
Throughout this time there are many memories associated with different places and events and doings.
Driving down certain roads on a dark night with my window down and music on and the smell of a warm breeze drifting through my window can bring upon memories of relaxed periods after being with friends at an event.
Walking down a trail under spring weather nature growth, given to us by God, looking at the beauty He grew is all around in a place I used to walk feeling so lost and all so speechlessly happy and curious in the times of my past, brings back those days I was a younger girl who didn’t know what she was about to encounter. Thank you God. 🙂 💖
I’ve gotten those feelings again lately, and those are two happenings of them happening. I was brought back to a more happy me, maybe a more melancholy me or maybe just a more less understanding me. No matter what, it used to hurt more remembering those times. It doesn’t hurt so much anymore. Why? God has not only healed me, but has shown me that I am always being given more beautiful feelings by Him.
I am still curious, I am still happy and I am still hopeful.
Faith is a beautiful way to not feel blue by the past in a negative way, but to feel blue by the past in an understanding way.
God helped me to understand and now I have more to learn, and I cannot wait for God to help us on our way.
Molly Marie 🙂