When Loving

Dear darlings,

Love is my favorite word.

Loving is my favorite thing to do.

Being loved is my favorite feeling from God.

Do I love everyone? I do.

Do I sometimes think this is a bad idea? No.

Does loving everyone mean I love all of their decisions? No.

Does loving everyone mean I love everything? No.

Does loving everyone mean I give excuses for actions? Yes.

Does loving everyone mean I forgive easily? Yes.

Does my loving of everyone mean I don’t often get hurt by others due to overlooking negative characteristics because of love? No.

Does loving everyone mean my capacity to love even more after I get hurt, increases? Yes.

Do I get hurt knowing not everyone loves me back? Often.

Do I know God loves me always? Always and every moment of every second.

Loving everyone is far different than just seeing only the good in someone and appreciating it. Loving everyone is vastly varied from just wanting to constantly show people they are loved. Loving everyone is not the same as just being kind to a stranger.

Loving everyone is truly difficult and I don’t do it perfectly. I never will.

God does.

I do try my best to love everyone in a way that God would be proud of. A way that God helps me do. I believe God instilled in me a yearning to feel the feeling of love deeply towards everyone here. I do care about everyone, I do want what’s best for everyone, I do think everyone deserves kindness, I do think everyone is full of potential, I do want to hug everyone and I do forgive easily.

I don’t do these things the way God does though. I believe that God doesn’t do these things and expect, EVER, to have these happenings returned to Him. I believe He is always aware that He is doing these things out of the love only He can give us. I  believe He is capable of more love than we can ever fully comprehend.

You see, I don’t always, and don’t purposely, love others because I want loved back.

Though I do long for that love back.

Whether it be a simple hug without my usual and happy initiation. Perhaps, it’s a simple action to help me out as I go about a task during the day. It could be a smile and a wave that I wasn’t expecting from a stranger.

I could go on.

I’m constantly loving on everyone and I love it. God made it easier for me than other things that I do of which are more difficult, like hmm… maybe some would say, be more “realistic”?

That’s a usual one. The truth is, I am usually rather logical in my process of going about life, I just also let myself get lost in a daydream as I go about life at the same time.

Realistic is different than logical though, I think.

Realistic in this case, some may say, I shouldn’t be so easily forgiving of everyone?

Why not? Forgiveness doesn’t mean I didn’t learn. It doesn’t mean I am being silly to let someone off the hook. It doesn’t mean I don’t move forward without any understanding of how to go about things differently in the future.

Nevertheless, there are things that are “realistic” in consideration that maybe I am not always the most adapt to. I don’t particularly like looking at the wrongs and negativeness of a person. Which in turn can cause hurt. I see it, maybe not all the time, okay, but I overlook it, focusing more on the positive and the hopeful.

I don’t think this is a fault in me. I think it is a God given love for others.

Now, I don’t think God wants me to be hurt by this sharing of love though, which is where I get into hurt. I need to work on not so much every being curious why not everyone or even many are returning the love back.

I will in small increments feel a twinge of hurt add up throughout a moment, or I will at the end of the day sit back and think about all that occurred and in this case, didn’t occur in regards of feeling loved back.

I am never alone. I always have God.

I can be with God and be on my own.

Sometimes being on my own has become more enjoyable lately because surrounding myself with others only causes disappointment. These bits of hurt that come from the not happenings of feeling loved back, only happen in the first place because I love being with people. I’m talking everybody. I love everybody, in different ways and different feelings of love encapsulate these, but I do, love everybody.

When I am on my own, I don’t have to come to any reminder that not everybody loves me the way I love them.

Does that cause more hurt?

It can, because then there is no chance of letting someone love me back.

I know God always loves me though and wants me to continue loving the way He hopes for me to.

It would be nice if once in a while I didn’t let myself get hurt knowing it doesn’t mean someone doesn’t love me if they don’t show it the way I do.

It would be neat if I could know that it doesn’t matter if someone else out there doesn’t love me in return because the love I showed them is still beautiful and makes God proud. Remember, God still loves us.

It would be nifty if I could always know that the hurt I feel from not feeling loved in return by those folks is a false idea I construed in my head because so many do love me.

My hurt stems from the hope that one day I feel the kind of love from others that I give without hesitation or sometimes with, so happy to do so, and not even expect it and then not receive it when I, let myself think I would have it.

It is okay though.

Not only did God give me the love of loving others, but He gave me hope.

I do get love back. I do get that hug and I do get that smile and wave and I do get the helpful actions from others. They are there between the hurts and the not understandings. They are there.

I will always hope that they continue to happen.

One thing is for certain, I know God will always love me back.

God loves you.

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Love,

Molly Marie 💖

 

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