Isn’t that an Inquiry?

Good morning friends,

I am loving where I am at when it comes to this rainy, dreary, dark, cold, and windy weather. I love how homey it makes my heart feel during storms and blizzards and gray skies especially when I am completely and not at all stressed about assignments and places to be. I want to snuggle up with my puppies and have ice cold chocolate and peanut butter ice cream, surprise, no not warm dessert, although that would be yummy too, but also watch movies ranging from spooky Halloween mysteries to cheerful and Christmas spirit classics. No, I love ice cream and find myself eating desserts more in the winter, but also the warm part of this ice cream comes in when I tell you that there is a heavy drizzle of hot fudge and peanut butter sitting ontop of my little ice cream mountain. You get the cold, you get the hot, you get the whole tasty lot.

Do you enjoy the frosty weather? If so, why?

You can enjoy both low temperatures and high temperatures too, don’t worry. I love sunshine and flowers and green trees and beautiful white clouds. That feeling sweet as your first step outside into spring seeing butterflies of technicolor flying about and birdies chirping excitedly for the sunshine hitting our happy selves is oh so neat.

Though, when the climate outside is quite the opposite, I love that too.

I am very much affected by weather. It can change a day around and change a day back to a place I didn’t know it could be in a moment.

I am curious if my decisions change based upon weather. Certainly my decisions changed based upon my mood, at times. If my mood changes based on weather, than perhaps the weather has affected my choices before.

I guess I will never know if the snow storm made me decide to dye my hair red or not. 😉

Maybe the rain shower will one day send me out into the jungle after deciding to become a solo explorer.

Actually, rain forest is more like it if we are talking about rain being my influence, nonetheless, that doesn’t sound utterly far fetched.

Furthermore, decisions are interesting. Sometimes the interest may lie in the characteristics of the decisions themselves, and other happenings, may be about how different the outcomes could be.

Decisions leave us with questions, some of those questions may be reasonable.

If I am going to college, I may ask myself, what am I going to take classes in?

That’s reasonable.

Other times, we overthink, or so I am told and understood about myself.

If I am going to college and I ask myself will the major I choose today be the major I really want or am I supposed to actually be in a major I don’t think I want so I can learn about something I am supposed to accidentally learn I really enjoy more than what I think I enjoy at this present moment in time?

Now this is when I may be considered, overthinking.

What is the point of me thinking so deeply about a question that doesn’t even need asked. If I am to accidentally stumble upon enjoying a class, then questioning it and preparing, doesn’t make it accidental. If I am to choose a major opposing the major I really want to go into, then why would I do the exact different thing than I enjoy for no apparent reason, but because I thought one possibility of going that direction would end up in what’s supposed to be.

This could go on, and on.

This question is actually a more in depth question in life to be thought about, but truly, I find myself thinking about this with everything.

Am I using hyperbole?

No, I think about everything in so many different branches of what about this or what could be or how about that.

I love it, it certainly helps me be more engrossed about what I am doing. When I decide big decisions, I will put effort into making sure I am going to do what makes sense, and often, doesn’t always quite make the most sense, but that’s because with all these here’s and there’s, I am bound to find myself out on a limb somewhere being a little spontaneous even though thought out.

If I am on that limb that’s barley hanging on, you bet I already thought about bringing a rope. Is the rope old? Yes, I didn’t have time to buy a new one, but it’s sturdy enough.

One time I made a decision that I thought through a lot, but not enough. I am constantly making this decision still. When I was 13 I became anorexic. I ended up in the hospital, but with God all the way, I recovered.

God is still helping me all the way. Today everyday I wake up, food and exercise stay on my mind. Some days less than others, but always there in some form. My weight is always changing.

I can have a good day or bad day at times based upon how I feel my body looks.

It’s upsetting.

Nonetheless, on the daily, I find myself thinking hard on how to overcome this, how to get better, how to eat the way I need to be eating, how not to stress about weight, how to workout more with the time I have and how I should look according to myself.

Sometimes I forget about how much I think about it because I am so used to thinking about it.

This could be said about many things I overthink. I overthink so much, I don’t always realize all I just tried to reorganize and go over the possibilities about sometimes not necessary, but always useful, and sometimes necessary in less than 8 seconds time.

Why am I questioning as if it is my full time job and hobby?

I am curious. I am curious all the time, but this curiosity must stem from uncertainty. I wouldn’t overthink so much if I was okay not knowing or being okay with the moment sometimes.

I find when I let myself stay in a moment longer, I over think less. I can’t change everything, everyone, every situation and I need to always remind myself how okay that is. I don’t even want to change all of that, it’s not for me to change, just how I wouldn’t want someone changing me, unless of course it was helping for the best.

God is helping me everyday overcome my eating disorder.

God is helping me follow the path He wants me to follow.

God is helping me enjoy the happy memories the life He gave us brings.

I need to let myself feel serene that in this current second in the day, I am here, writing, and only writing, my weight doesn’t matter, my project due next week isn’t being affected, the errands I need to run can’t be done right now, the people I really want to see and know more about are not around at the moment for me to even talk to, and my time to get to rehearsal will arrive when it becomes the night. This is okay. I tend to feel so urgent. Urgent, in my everyday life and my future dreams, I feel this way.

Why?

I could pick apart the why forever, but way out on a limb somewhere, I think it comes down to fear of not doing right. I want to do what’s right and make the right decisions and I don’t want anyone or myself to be hurt.

I think overthinking can be good and I will continue to do so. Except I won’t continue overthinking without trying to stop overthinking when I need to.

Faith is important. I have faith and God is holding me tight in His hug.

Let’s have faith together.

Good blessings. ❤

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

 

 

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