Precious

Dear darlings,

There is captain lost at sea finally boarding dock ready to hug her love, before being set off into another adventure to find jewels and mystery when she becomes caught up in the tides that leads her to a rare island and setting sail again only to keep leaving and going only with a few people staying on the adventure with her some teach her new skills and some she helps love, some getting off at different ports and some never boarding to begin with. With each discovery she grows stronger, recognizes her weaknesses and embraces her sensitivity, as it brought her this far, with people to love and stories to share.

I feel like that captain. I think you may too.

The older I grow, and granted, I am young, though, the more adventure I find myself going on. I have always enjoyed looking at life as an adventure. It is profoundly amusing, thoughtful and fulfilling that way. I will be honest, there are times when I probably think way to deep about everything. For one example of this, today I went to go work on theatre business around downtown with my friend, right after picking her up, we started on a conversation of my doing about all the wounds I haven’t let healed.

Stepping out of my perspective, “Molly, relax honey, the sun is out, you had a sparkling first day of work and you are living your dream. Think about wedding dresses or pigmy goats. Those are cute. Those are light.”

This personality trait of mine, while sometimes brings me heavy sadnesses, also brings me the emotion of fully finding herself experiencing love and cheer in all aspects of life. I see a warm, chocolate chip cookie and savor each bite, knowing this is a great 2 minutes of my day. I meander past a large pine tree in the woods, and start to tear up, thinking about all the woodland critters that made it their home, knowing God gave us all of beautiful nature to love. I listen to a song that I made up a sad love story with to coincide with a possible yet still fictional piece of my life and become nostalgic for the make believe thinking how thankful I am to feel every feeling possible.

I love this.

I want to tell you though, don’t let the hurtful parts seep in too hard.

Life is to be enjoyed, okay?

You will find it hard, and hurtful and feel discouraged.

That is okay.

You, however, are precious.

You deserve to cry of happiness, to jump with excitement, and love without second guesses.

I am so thankful for all that God has blessed me with. I have a family and friends who love me, two adorable puppies,  I have a home and food and water and clothes and the financial help I need and support to pursue my passions.

Though, just because you begin to have problems in your life that may not “seem” to equal someone else’s, doesn’t mean you are a bad person for feeling sad.

I have struggled with that simple notion my whole entire life and am finally allowing myself to think past that. You are more than allowed to be sad. Today that same friend I mentioned earlier brought up to me when I was speaking on my hurts, “You are validated to feel that way.”

You are a good person with bad thoughts about herself or himself. You need good thoughts. Please have them.

You are precious.

I was discussing the fact that I may or may not take a lead role of Meg March in Little Women. Now the situation goes deeper than simple accepting or not accepting a role. Let’s begin as to why to help you understand.

I have been given the blessing of being able to cast myself in roles I dream of playing because of God with my theatre company, The Luminescent Moon. Our next show is Little Women. My friend, that same friend, is playing Jo March. She is most gorgeous, strong and intelligent. She is just right to play Jo. I want to play Meg for many reasons, I love to perform especially when I haven’t always had to ability to share my passion at different times in my life. I know get that opportunity. I also love the classic story of being there for each other and following each of the dreams of each girl. I love the love Meg has for wanting a family of her own and knowing that dream is just as important as any dream of her sisters. I am like Meg, because sometimes in this day and age, I feel silly for wanting to be a loving wife and a loving mother. That has been one of my biggest dreams forever and always will be. Yet, so often, when I talk about the fact that I want someone to love, I am reminded of how much I don’t need a guy, I need to focus on myself and I have dreams I should be working on.

I am working on those dreams, I do work on what I want to do, and yes, I don’t need a guy.

God created us to have a partner.

In which case, my dream of having love, is just as lovely as being a writer.

Furthermore, I can be both.

Well, I would love to play Meg. I believe in her traditional life and values and want to share that with the audience.

On top of this, I would get to be onstage playing alongside our Jo, and we would have such enjoyment together.

My dilemma?

I began a full time assistant teaching job and I am now part time tutoring students too. I have a few certifications I am working on achieving to improve myself and follow more dreams. I want to keep the girl’s weekly Bible study going and I attend church. I volunteer at a farm that teaches children’s therapy through horses. I am on an improv team. God blessed me with beginning my second company this year, a sparkly one. Then, I am also in the process of one huge possible project that will take a lot of my time, money and care. I also love being by myself to go on adventures that God is giving me and with others. With all of this, adding another show to be in, would be doing exactly what I may not need.

Being too busy to fully heal the wounds I never healed.

I have always been a crier. I am sensitive to the touch and love loving so much.

I want to stop crying because of things I feel like I shouldn’t be crying about.

To do so, I should take time to work on why these certain “things”  hurt me, right?

Who knows?

Maybe following my passions is the way to heal my wounds, or maybe stopping just a little, is a way to find the deeper cut of the wounds.

I don’t know. It is a decision, only I can make with the help of God.

We made it back to the thought of enjoying life. How? Well, whether you think hard on small things, or what may seem like a small contemplation, or whether you think easy on large things or what may seem like a large contemplation, either is fine.

In the process, don’t lose your heart.

So often I become so caught up in everything around me, other people’s goals and dreams, other people’s opinions, and other people’s doings, that I forget about, myself.

Do you know that feeling?

It is more than a feeling, it a an occurrence and it hurts.

You can still be apart of other’s lives, help them and love them.

Please do that for yourself though, too.

Don’t exclude you.

You are precious.

I adore everyone I meet. Everyone is their own unique island. Don’t lose yourself amongst the trees though.

Love is what I value, love of God, love of family and friends, love of animals, love of passions and places, love of life and romantic love.

I never had a boyfriend. There are many respectful men out there of whom I could find myself on a date with. Have I ever went?

No.

Didn’t I just say that one of my biggest dreams is to have love and family?

Yes.

You are too precious to be treated any less than you deserve, to not be loved the way you love and to be with anyone you don’t feel right with.

Waiting is worth it.

How long will I wait? I don’t know.

I have faith in God.

I am vulnerable, if I have feelings for someone, feelings that stay and I know are authentic, I will tell them. How often has that happened?

That is private.

You need to realize, if you haven’t, that as you grow older, you are too precious to be scared of being vulnerable and honest with your feelings.

You love and that is beautiful. Let it be seen, let it be felt, it is lovely, darling.

Following my dreams has always been important to me and not following the path so easily seen, but the path God opens for me.

I don’t like doubting myself for too long when it comes to making huge decisions like changing jobs, starting or quitting college, starting a second company or making decisions even bigger in terms of the passions God has me following.

You are too precious to be negative about where you think God has you headed in a loving direction following your passions.

You are too precious to let talks of failure from others sink into your heart.

You can do what God wants you to do.

Listen to Him. Do as He asks.

I have learned this year to stop explaining everything I do and why I do it.

I delete sentences of text and say, okay. 🙂

Or I set my company’s standard one way, and one way to be, it doesn’t need explanation only respect.

I don’t want to hang out with somebody? Politely I decline.

I want to eat a whole cheesecake? I do so, without explaining how I didn’t eat at all today so it is okay.

You understand where I am going.

You are too precious to owe everybody an explanation all the time when not needed.

Save your time for eating extra cheesecake or starting more successful companies and learning new songs to sing.

You are too precious to not live life full of love.

Have faith in God.

He loves you.

He knows how precious you are.

Love,

Molly Marie ❤

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