Week Color Light Blue

Dear deers,

I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re feeling relaxed. I hope you feel the love God has for you.

This week in particular has been an utterly light blue shade. Blue can be so many feelings from feeling down to feeling alright to feeling cheery to feeling hope.

This week it’s just a bit of all of that, but primarily I’m feeling understanding. I’m feeling soothed by God’s gift of helping me look behind me and being glad I was the way I was, so I know how much He brought me through, showed me, helped me become who I am now, and not feel hurt or downtrodden by the seeming pitfulls, pressures and pains of the past, but hopeful I will now have a better understanding of the excitement of the future He has planned for us.

I tend to be a nostalgic person. I used to get so caught up in feelings I once felt, whether it be from the love I had for a certain passion or the feelings I had being around certain people who make me glad I am around the correct place to meet them. I couldn’t let myself believe that the future was full of feelings I didn’t even yet know I could experience, and that I would always find those feelings again, but even more, more beautiful ones that God had waiting.

I’m a huge feeling person. I love feeling. I take small moments and let myself feel them to the fullest. One thing I do all of the time is look around me when I’m outside, my true habitat. I look around, take in the scent of the flowers swaying their scent in the wind, hearing the birdies chirping their sweet tunes and watch the green hues of leaves flourish in the wind, back and forth, back and forth. I enjoy this moment and enjoy that I feel nothing, but love and comfort in God’s beautiful life given to us.

I love feeling and truthfully, I know deep in me that God is always providing more beautiful feelings than I can currently predict.

Though there are moments when I am so throughout me happy, and happy is not a word that should be taken lightly. I mean, happy is a strong word. It isn’t always an easy thing to be happy, but it is the feeling I love so much because I find myself choosing it day after day. Those moments when I am so throughout me happy are moments when I think I’ll never feel the same sort of happy again. Those moments pass and all I want is to grab them back.

When I was a senior in high school I found myself having new freedoms, becoming more independent and learning more about what God was bringing in my future. I had this feeling of fascination at what was in store. This then led into a year I unexpectedly found new feelings from. Feelings of every color seemed to ensue except that they didn’t.

These past two years were full of feelings that I continully let myself embrace inside of me, trying to understand what I was going through, why I may or may not have enjoyed a specific feeling and what I wanted to change. I ended up learning so much from God.

Throughout this time there are many memories associated with different places and events and doings.

Driving down certain roads on a dark night with my window down and music on and the smell of a warm breeze drifting through my window can bring upon memories of relaxed periods after being with friends at an event.

Walking down a trail under spring weather nature growth, given to us by God, looking at the beauty He grew is all around in a place I used to walk feeling so lost and all so speechlessly happy and curious in the times of my past, brings back those days I was a younger girl who didn’t know what she was about to encounter. Thank you God. 🙂 💖

I’ve gotten those feelings again lately, and those are two happenings of them happening. I was brought back to a more happy me, maybe a more melancholy me or maybe just a more less understanding me. No matter what, it used to hurt more remembering those times. It doesn’t hurt so much anymore. Why? God has not only healed me, but has shown me that I am always being given more beautiful feelings by Him.

I am still curious, I am still happy and I am still hopeful.

Faith is a beautiful way to not feel blue by the past in a negative way, but to feel blue by the past in an understanding way.

God helped me to understand and now I have more to learn, and I cannot wait for God to help us on our way.

Good blessings!

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

Month Color Yellow, but in a Butter Way

Dear dears,

It’s May. It is spring and not only are the flowers blooming colorfully around us and are trees growing their luscious leaves of green and birds continue singing their chirps through the morning breeze, but life is starting again. That’s what spring is, a new beginning of the seasonal changes in regards to growth in a simple sense. Spring also seems to be the time of year that people begin to become a bit happier in an all around purport, this is most likely due to the fact that the sun is shining more so and the temperature is a typical of folk comfortable to let loose outside more. Nature is truly a place of peace for many people including myself. Spring brings newness, spring brings refreshment and this means change.

Nonetheless, I am not feeling it in the way I have before, that “newness”, but I am feeling it in a way I always wanted.

Most springs, well springs that I can specifically remember, my life has always undergone huge change around this time of year. We can be simple in this change and for a reference let’s be nostalgic and go back to me being freshly 18 and just graduating high school. You can imagine, that is a change. I now have decisions to make on what I am going to do with my life going forward, and it isn’t that I didn’t before, but I had more ability to let myself do completely what I wanted, finally. To add, considering the way I am, I had many ideas, many whirring possibilities, and dream upon dream forming.

Are my bigger life changes due to the fact it is spring or just coincidence? I think it is a bit of both. However, I come to expect spring to always be the time my life starts taking on a new color, as I usually think. This year it didn’t. I always wanted my life, or at least just for a little while in my life, sometimes, to feel at ease, and stable when it comes to my emotions. My life in the past was usually so full of drama, and emotions tend to run high, I make my life dramatic, I get involved in dramatic occurrences and life happenings, and I make my own personal thoughts dramatic. Dramatic doesn’t necessarily mean negative, but it makes life different, maybe overwhelming at times, or maybe even more exciting too.

Well, I suppose a part of my pink year and feeling that sweet feeling of pink I know God is giving me, is also feeling serene.

Don’t get me wrong, I love feeling serene and find it so often in small moments in my day, like seeing the moon stare down at me, shining with nothing, but the sound of crickets and God’s calming presence with me, or sitting outside, covered by the branches of trees above me, busy with squirrels and photosynthesis. Okay, see? Nature is peace bringing. Anywho, I almost had to purposely search for those moments of serenity, (I just wrote a one act play for college called “Collecting Serene Moments”, that is a fun fact for your day) or stumble upon them and appreciate them as much as I could, knowing God gave them each to me to love.

Now I have a stable feeling of serenity in my everyday life and foreseeable future. The serene feeling isn’t as strong as the serene moments I feel when I am out looking at the moon, but it’s a serene feeling of serene. It isn’t a loud color, it is a toned down color, it is butter yellow.

You see, my life has become stable due to the fact that God’s purpose for me is aligning with my passions, and my passions are aligning with God’s purpose for me and I am purposefully trying to grow myself in His purpose for me. I don’t feel so unsure right now on what He wants for me. I love that, and I am working at it.

I am finished with another semester of college today. I found out I get to teach drama to kids continuing to work at the school I am an APS teacher at currently for the summer, which means I don’t HAVE to or even WANT to change jobs again, for the time being. If you know me, I am not scared to change jobs. Scratch that, I am sometimes scared, well I feel bad, but I still change jobs if I feel God is calling me to. It’s nice to not change jobs though and be excited about the future of my job. It’s exciting to know that if I want to finish up school, most of my schooling is done, now I can focus on majority of ONLY classes pertaining to theatre and performance, unless I decide upon journalism or science still. You never know. Again, scratch that. I never know.

Besides school and my job, my life outside of those two things, isn’t really out of usual right now, which is very strange for me. For one thing, now that I have, oh my goodness, you don’t know probably anything that has happened in the last about 2 months unless you actually know me, which I knew, I just said oh my goodness for dramatic effect (see? I like some dramatic vibes, unless maybe I don’t anymore as I am on this serenity wave? Oooh, waves are serene, okay bye, except not bye because I am still writing), but I have my own theatre company now, which I shared, but I also got to perform in New York City in an off off Broadway skit, which I will have to share as it was what I believe is a God given glimpse into what will be if I keep working hard, but understand that now isn’t the time, keep the dream going, but work where I am at. Ontop of that some very beautiful blessings have come regarding The Luminescent Moon from getting to connect with thrilled folks on the fact that my hometown is having a theatre company, to getting to let the word be shared of my talented crew and cast of The Diary of Anne Frank in a huge newspaper, written so kindly and thoroughly, to getting to have my first radio interview to share the word of my crew and cast yet again and their beautiful talents and to finally getting God’s gift of sharing the crew and cast’s hard work and beautiful talents with my hometown at a historic and beautiful theatre. Thank you God. ❤

Now I am planning our next show already, and I was practically offered a sweet role in a somewhat dream or goal show with a huge possibility in my hometown and all the excitement my theatre life seems to bring I don’t only do theatre, outside of my life of theatre, my own personal life is also serene. I go to work, while my job is challenging, it is meaningful, I find myself experiencing so many small stories of my littles and I find it rewarding to hopefully make an impact in their young lives. I look forward to college as a future training experience to open doors if I go back full time with classes pertaining completely to what I decide. I look forward to the fact that God gave me my piece of rewarding passion that I needed while being in Ohio. A while ago I was struggling on finding out why God wanted me to stay in Ohio. The constant back and forth and change I was undergoing here was becoming silly to me, I didn’t get where I was going and why I wasn’t going where I thought I should be. God gave me this job that I want to keep for the time being so I can really work in the lives of the children through my passion that I find theatre being so important in sharing stories of humans with others, He gave me my college possibility of looking exciting and not boring, but full of hope, He gave me my company to bring more of my passion to the hometown I grew up in and do what I want to do with it, I get to decide with Him every step of the way. He gave me the opportunity to become more involved with the church I attend, to sing and worship Him. I hope to grow in ministry. He gave me kind friendships and the feeling of not being alone. I love being alone, I do, but I don’t feel so alone right now. I feel apart of something, I don’t know what, but it’s neat to feel this way. He brought me a sense of serenity, I am not worried much, I am living in the moment more so, and I will let it stay for now. He gave me a blessing and it’s yellow, a butter yellow, and I could say it “butter” stay for the sense of a pun, but if my life changed once more, I wouldn’t be surprised and if I end up as a rancher in Utah next week, I’d be along for the ride. Literally, if I am a rancher I may be riding a horse.

Life is pink, and it is the pink I knew God was giving me this year. It is sweet pink. I didn’t quite realize serenity was going to be so sweet. I love it.

So with my life feeling stable and I don’t currently anticipate WANTING at the moment to make any big changes, for once, I welcome the serenity fully. I welcome the stability for now. The stability I think prepares me for the adventure that lies ahead. Thank you God. He is amazing. Jesus Christ is amazing. I love them.

I hope you feel serene and good blessings friends, until next time? I hope next time is sooner this time. I do.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

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Month Color Light Pink

Dear darlings,

It is the final day of February. It is 11:58 a.m., so actually it is two minutes to the final day of February, one of the sweetest months of the year romantically and quite differently. Particularly, the reason I have sat down to write is because I am not allowing myself to work anymore today, so I baked a banana bread that is slowly, but surely, baking away in a hot oven of which I cannot go to bed until I finish letting the bread bake. So I thought, why not write on my blog and get some of my month out in words, it’ll help me relax a bit.

To start, I turned 20 this month. I think somewhere in my color loving inner thoughts, I always thought 20 would be a light pink year. When I think of light pink, I think of focus, focus on my dreams, I think of hope, hope for a lovely year, and sweetness in all ways sweetness can be. I know and only can hope that this year of being 20 will be sweet, and let me tell you, it already is.

What did this month contain within its 28 days? GOD of course. So much God. You can’t have too much God. What else? Well, college and work of course. We all know that’s what I do, but it also contained my sweet and loving family and friends, it contained a sweet surprise birthday party before rehearsal planned by one of my sweet best friends and my sweet  crew and cast, it contained silly and sweet memories made by accident while driving around in the starlit sky, it contained rewarding moments at work with my sweet kiddos, it held interesting topics learned in my sweet schooling, it held moments of sweetness all around and I will not keep going because some moments are even sweeter when we let ourselves think about them quietly.

It was not a lickity split, snap and I am feeling 20 and all of it’s age 20 apparent occurences of sweetness, but no, maybe it was.

Last year I was learning a lot of what and what not to do. Thank you God.

This year I am learning a lot of how and why I want to do. Thank you God.

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I have been becoming better at decisions to be made by myself, I have become less fearful of my future and I have become more assertive in areas needed.

These three happenings are BIG for a women like me. I don’t want the world, I don’t want the people in it, to change me or to make me feel I need to coincide with any ideal made by themselves. I will following God’s path for me and using the passions He instilled in me to KEEP MOVING FORWARD, past FEAR and onto the BEAUTIFUL life still in the future.

I finished directing my second show this month, and it was my first teen and through adult play. The show was The Diary of Anne Frank. This show meant a lot to me, I not only am fascinated by history, but Anne, a little girl, sweet, and smart, was, along with many others, put into a life of hurt, her story was tragic, but laced with hope due to her faith in God.

Faith in God. That is sweet.

The duration of the show brought its challenges, many pertaining to me needing to buckle down and tell it like it is, be a director and be okay with the fact that most people aren’t going to agree with my decisions theatrically, because in my everyday life, well, I don’t get agreed with much anyway. Nonetheless, the show was quite successful, due to decisions being made, due to me letting myself finally let go that to put on something respectful and what I thought would be what gave the most glory to God by showing the passions and talent and STORY from Him.

Theatre is a great way for me to carry other aspects of my life into it’s quarters, train and learn and use those lessons for my everyday life. Although, let’s be honest, theatre is my everyday life as well, but you get what I mean. However, especially now, theatre is in my life forever I had always hoped, but since I have founded my own theatre company, it has only sweetly increased.

I think God wanted me to start a theatre company. I am moving to New York City here soon. Oh, I am. Furthermore, I still think God, as I have been trying and trying to figure out, has had at least 8 reasons that He has wanted me to stay in Ohio for a bit longer than being a 15 year old with plans. One of them finally came to me.

My company is called The Luminescent Moon Theatre Company.

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The company is called Luminescent Moon because while I was trying to come up with a company name, my dad said to me that I needed to think of something bigger than a hometown, small town name, something bigger like a name of a galaxy or something about space, because he knows I am so intriuged by astronomy. Well, the moon is in space and I have always had such a love for the moon and while trying to think of beautiful and words that could add to the word “moon”, I came upon “luminescent”. Luminescent is not only lovely to gaze at like the moon, but it is big, and bright and describes the moon while being a thrill to say, all while tying into the idea of our mission statement of letting our performers be as bright as the moon’s glow.

You are luminescent.

My hometown does not have a theatre company and we are small, but fairly large. That makes sense. We would have a great audience for a theatre company, full of people wanting to be involved. Wow, God placed me in exactly the right place to be. Thank you God. He always knows.

After many phone calls, paperwork, filing and back and forths, and at this point it is still ongoing, I have created the company and we are expecting a first curtain call in the coming months.

This is definitely rewarding, a company in a town I grew up always wishing had a theatre company close by, working on theatre with my own rules and with all the say I want, and making theatre sooner to being my only job for income, and sweetest of all, I can give back to those in my community, finally giving those with a passion, a chance, it is so sweet.

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So sweetness is ensuing, because I am following what God has planned.

My bread is done baking, I can sleep now and also enjoy the bread.

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Now off to go continue being an independent, dress twirling, hope loving, bread eating, spontaneous decision making, in her head often, not from Jupiter or the 1950’s as she would like to be, me. It will be sweet, but I do hope I can continue to only love and learn.

I look forward to more sweetness coming and I hope you are too.

Good blessings.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

The Colors I Feel and A Big Decision Not Counteracting Them All

 

Hi friends,

With all the feelings you could be feeling, I hope you are feeling your favorite ones today and as of late.

I am feeling a mixture of many today, and these aren’t just today feelings in colors, but a bubbling of colors from the past few months that consistently appear more vibrantly than others.

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I also love being slightly artsy for enjoyment of being dramatic and girly’s sake here. 🙂

So what colors do we have? We have light and faded pink, dark yellow, a rainforest green, slight pastel pink and a bright blue. They all mean something and they all make sense with my emotion. I will explain, but first, I finally made a big decision and I am not currently sharing it much to many people because I am a little unsure how, so it’s nice to share it to myself if anyone through writing.

I am 90% sure I will be going now, going to New York, not for a trip and no, not forever, but for awhile. The thought of going about 3 years ago, well I cannot recall exactly, but I believe it was all bright blue and shining yellow, whereas I was scared, but KNEW, I KNEW, I was going to go, then the previous 3 years happened. In those three years I have wanted to pick up and move on the spot, redirect my whole life, move other places, stay put, go in the future, go other places first, stay home for the time being and more. I have wanted to cry at the thought of being so sure and yearning to go and thinking I could not, I have cried thinking about how excited I was to be about to go, I have cried thinking about how I was supposed to already be there and am not and lately, I feel as if I have only cried thinking I needed to go now, but wanted to stay home…for now. I was lost in this sense over time, but not in each moment. God had me exactly where He wanted me.

God has kept me here in Ohio these past three years. So much has happened. I have learned, experienced, hurt and healed, discovered and adventured and found more of God’s will for me. I know God was keeping me here, I know it. The tears of hurt at the thought of leaving behind my life here so soon, proved it. It was not my time to go away to my soon future in a different state and in a different city quite yet. Lately, however, I feel so many loose ends, and lessons, and possibilities can continue to be tied up, discovered more, and soar from here even with me out of Ohio. I feel due to many life circumstances, God is giving me the decision, to stay or to go. I don’t cry so much anymore thinking about how scared I am to leave behind here, because I know what truly matters WILL NOT be left behind at all. I don’t fret due to the money, the realities of moving. I don’t get stressed thinking I am not ready or prepared. I feel only a decision needs to be made, do I want to stay or go?

I think I need to go.

Now I just said leaving doesn’t cause me as many tears. Maybe I should change that, after all, I am a Molly. I am emotional and dramatic and feel every color of the rainbow in a given time, but yes, just writing up my almost made decisions is striking a bit of a sadness in me, maybe its nostalgia, maybe it’s overwhelmed emotions, maybe it’s curiosity I am letting hold me back from things I can change, or maybe it’s just sadness, because for once, I am about to make a large decision that doesn’t cause me much fear or uncertainty. I feel a tear may fall.

It hurts to leave my family. It hurts to know I won’t see them everyday.

It hurt to leave my friends. It hurts to leave people apart of my life in Ohio.

It hurts to leave my home.

It hurts to leave the simple things, like my bike path, my outdoor home and my favorite places to dwell.

God can heal me from this hurt and turn it into love.

I can love my family and friends and the people even from a new place.

I can call somewhere new my home to love and still remember this as once my loving old home.

I can find my outdoor spots to love somewhere new and love my spots here in Ohio just the same.

I know God will give me all He thinks I should have or He wants me to have and what I hope for in His plan even going to New York. I will try my best to make the right decisions leading to these happenings.

I know to further God’s plan for me and to further His purpose and the passions He has given me, this move could help.

I don’t really know how to bring up this ever-growing thought to anyone besides God and myself. It has always been known to family and friends and many others my dream of finally making the decision to do the spontaneous move, to further my dreams in musical theatre and journalism and just GO. Now that dream is finally finalizing. My family and my friends and everyone is supportive and I am so glad God kept me here to experience the life I needed here. When I say experience I mean, help those I could, be with those I could, love those I will always love and meet those I did and cherish memories I will always keep.

I have done so much research on New York living and academies if I decide to go. I one time got scared and sad in a sense and dropped my research, knowing the time wasn’t right. Something happened and the urge to research and plan again, was put in me by God more and more recently and largely quite lately.

I am looking at applying to either conservatory programs, academies or schools, or maybe none of those, and perhaps just move and go from there with all of my other little bits of planning taking place. I am not as dewy-eyed as I may seem except that I am, but God has used this piece of my personality to guide me in His plan for me and I will accept it, while trying to gather as much education as I can that He provides for me. I try to be as educated and aware as I can be, while maintaining the curious sort of innocence I have come to realize is always going to be in me.

I plan to leave by age 21, that is next February. Maybe this Fall or maybe next Spring. This is my plan and while it causes me sadness to type, it causes me hope as well. I know God gives me hope and it’s Him helping me make a literal big “move” in my life by trying to wipe away any thoughts of sadness in this stage of planning.

I don’t know if I should ask for the opinions of others, or not. I don’t know if I can bear all of the back and forth and opposing thoughts on what I should do. It overwhelms me so often because everyone has a different idea for my life so often and I get so….stuck. I get stuck not knowing how to decide. New York is one of my dreams because I also never wanted to feel stuck, I feel I can do more good when it was my time to journey there, and now it’s time and I am unstuck. Nonetheless, I was never stuck even when I felt like it, because God was only helping me. Sticking me where I needed to be with the people I needed to be with. So maybe I do need the opinions of others, to help me and further my plans.

I am not lost. I am not lost with God.

I am curious, that is why I am bright blue. I love my curiosity, it brings me great love and cheer in this life.

I feel sweetness in my heart, that is why I am light and faded pink.

I feel adventurous and so that dark green comes in.

The rainforest green signals learning.

That pastel pink sliver, is hope.

I feel these colors so often and so often regarding my big decision.

If anybody can help me out here with my bundle of colors, and sorting out my thoughts, please do.  Do you think I am making a decision I should? Furthermore, what are your colors? I love learning about people, and colors are a very thought provoking way to do that. It would be nice to meet more people, especially if I’m about to move. The lovely technology God has blessed us with, can keep us in touch talking about our colors to each other forever from anywhere. 😉

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

Making This Week Magenta

Howdy non aliens of the universe,

I hope your week is the exact color you are trying to mix it up to be as of so far, whether rainforest green or copper or red as red can be.

Mine is currently a cloud, a mix of grays, lights and darks. It’s good and it’s got some unforeseen uncertainties. It’s not bad, and not at all altogether bad, but it’s hard to figure out. Nonetheless, by the end of the week I want to be able to look back and see it altogether be magenta, whether it was a slow unfurling of the greys mixed with pieces of red along the way or a sudden change just plopping the grays out of the way making room for a magenta hue, I don’t mind. Although, I prefer the sudden change, magenta where are you? Of course, I understand a good ole’ unfurl of the grays though, maybe a slow unfurl could be a good thing, helping me slowly figure out the reason I’ve been surrounded by grays anyway.

Should I mention the grays?

Well.

I could. Silly enough, I probably won’t. I can’t really. Here’s my first gray, a gray exists in this soot because there are so many pieces of life that I want to share, I want to write about and I want to understand better by doing just that, sharing and writing, BUT I cannot so often, I cannot. It stinks, let’s be true. Whether it be about work life and work situations, or it be about places I was in involving others, or it be about my family in a happening or my friends and a circumstance or even just my heart and mind towards anyone or anything, there’s so much I have restricted myself from sharing. Why?

Why because for the time being, it’s a sensible move.

For example, events that take place at work, stressful or silly, memorable or exhausting, the whole shebang of possibilities that strew from my professional pieces of life, are to be mostly kept to the premises of which I work, or maybe within the close knit conversation between confidantes where I can share a sliver of to either receive advice, support or a giggle or two. It’s not always a smart move to talk about work publically, which is something I stray often from doing.

Then there comes the aspects of my life involving other people. Oh my goodness, these can get to have a very fine line, these aspects. What names can I share or what events or moments can I share without being too unambiguous? What parts of my life, that may have or may currently be affecting me so deeply can I write on or let outside of my heart and mind for a tad to discuss and unfurl? Not much it seems, I don’t want to have anybody making assumptions on others and I also don’t always want people to make wrongful assumptions about me or for people to know everything about me in certain times.

The grays in this category, this middle gray color of uncertainty and sadness that comes with the necessary unfurling of these grays, is very prevalent this week.

Thankfully, I am so often alone, off and about and experiencing my own little adventures, physically on the earth or emotionally within my own mind, that there is so much for me to share where only myself is present. No one can be hurt, nothing can be affected negatively, except for me.

Except for me?

Even then, this can be strange.

I love sharing myself, my stories and my thoughts. I love sharing my observations and my workings and my passions and dreams. This is true for real life with the people I encounter down to my closest bezzies of  family and friends. I want to share when I want to.

I just hope one day soon I can share more. I want to share my whole heart, or at least closer too, my mind without rewording and rewriting as I’m scared someone may misconstrue and my life outside of my easy to see runnings arounds and often only written abouts too.

There is more to a photo and a story to be written than what is always wrote out and I hope one day soon I will be able to say more without my fine line. A fine line is quite fine sometimes, but I only feel prevented in these grays. This is my fault, my line that I set, for others sake and my own. Nonetheless, I think I may try and find an eraser to start working on erasing away the marked line I wrote invisibily around myself.

Due to the fact that this week was so gray for so many reasons I won’t allow myself to speak about, I will leave off at this…

Its been gray. It’s been light gray like a cloud about to empty just a bit of rain before God surprises us with a vibrant rainbow in the very cloud, it’s been medium gray where we see a little smoke blocking our view as we wave our hands to try and sift it out of our eyesight and it’s been dark gray. Dark gray where I have felt so unsure, I know the storm is about to hit anytime, the rain will pour, but just how long will it last, that’s the dark gray.

I must say, there is definitely more light gray then dark. As I usually do, I see many of God’s hope bringing rainbows always on the way. I see magenta too, in that rainbow full of reds all the way down to blues.

So personally, so professionally, so neither and both, I have a lot to work on and continue not working on this week to become magenta. Maybe I can’t share it all, again, but that doesn’t matter, I can share one thing for certain… Through this strange and gray week, I chose out of the rainbow of hope from God that I want magenta. Magenta is pink and it’s red. Pink is sweet and pink is so me. Red is enthusiastic and determined and red is so me. A mixture of both makes me feel most like me. How do I get there after I unfurl the grays?

I romanticize my life. I make the smaller and the most simplest puzzle piece of my day the most overwhelmingly positive moment in time. I may sleep in an extra 20 minutes listening to my favorite music as I lay comfortably between my cozy blankets and make myself believe this is the best and most comfy light gray cloud I’ve ever layed upon, and the music is the most lovely tunes right in the moment in the world which could make me feel so relaxed.

I may remember why I look forward to my commute to work. I can pray, I can be silent and listen to the quiet, or I can listen to music to bring up my upbeat mood or calm me down and make me think. I make this commute enjoyable.

I could look outside and see how the weather is doing. Oh weather, are you happy and sunny, are you cold and dreary? Maybe you’re raining peacefully or snowing serenely? I can observe the weather and try to understand it, even though there may be no understanding to it. I can pretend and sit and just think about it, and appreciate it.

Part of how I stay so cheerful is because indeed, in all of the whirlwinds of life bringing about a clutter and tied up ball of grays, I find those kind moments, which can be almost each and every if they are kind moments to romanticize, and really turn into magenta.

Romanticize. I romanticize life. I like it that way. I truly do romanticize it, maybe that’s why I’m always so pumped about the simple things, wait no, it is, like Valentine’s Day. It’s nearing again. No, I don’t have a boyfriend and I don’t have  a date, but I am not against it because of this. There’s so much love we can give to life too, everyone, friends and family. Maybe that’s not a typical viewpoint, it’s just a made up holiday of course, but actually has historical context outside of its Hallmark card pursuits. One of the stories of who Saint Valentine was, I’ll share. There is a belief that Saint Valentine was against the decree that young men could not marry because under rule it was thought being single made for better soldiers and so Saint Valentine performed secretly, marriages for couples in love.

Nevertheless Valentine’s Day has always been for me one of those simple days to romanticize. It’s just cute. I love the pink and I love the red and the purple and the pastels. I love the fluffy stuffed animals sitting together upon the department store shelves. I love the chocolate and the hearts galore that I can go and buy for myself. I love it. Basically, I carry this love for Valentine’s Day around the year. I don’t think it’s my love for Valentine’s Day that causes me to be so interested in love, and these cute outward ideas of the day, but my love already in me for romanticizing life that makes me want to romanticize a romantic holiday. From dying my hair bright red and twirling around in pink dresses, to loving to talk about love and sweet things all to how I like living my life, I basically do feel like a human Valentine, which makes me feel so happy. Isn’t being happy such a sweet emotion? Yes. So I find what makes me happy and I romanticize it in my mind.

I hope you have a Valentine.

I hope you find your rainbow today, God is giving you hope, please accept it.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

Week Color Dark Blue

 

Hi friends,

As of course I always hope you are moving through your day with an upbeat stride in your steps from anywhere you go, truly hopeful each passing moment is important and fine, fine, fine to live through. It is. 🙂

For me, my week was dark blue. Blue is pretty. I find blue calming. I find blue sad. I find blue lost. I find blue gentle. I find blue hidden amongst a “sea” of hope. “Sea” because the sea is blue.. yes. A pun. 🙂

Overall my previous week, although I’ve been physically fighting some silly kind of   bug of a cough and losing my voice on and off, that’s the LEAST of my concerns.

I had a most lovely Janurary 1st. I hung out with my friend. My dear, dear friend whom I only met last summer, but has already made more of an impact on me than she knows. I love that girl. Our friendship means a lot to me, as friendships do. We walked around town, smiled for sweet photos and ate her homemade snack mix. Nonetheless, the day was blue because I was somewhat still sad, but being with a positive and calming friend brought me hope and that was day one of a new year, which supposedly means something, nevertheless, I don’t find it means much more than a new number. However, metaphorically speaking, wow it’s a new year. 😉 A new year, shouldn’t I not be sad at all? Not even a tad?

Lately, I haven’t been feeling much yellow, or lavender or bright and zazzley pink. I’ve been at this blue. I know why and I don’t know why either. I don’t need to make sense. It’s not how I seem to work at times.

There are of course reasons we can all turn to for being sad, for feeling down and for being upset and lost. There are more attainably changeable surface reasons, “I didn’t sleep enough”, or “I got a speeding ticket”. Those are two surface level happenings that I do to myself that cause me a bit of blue. I need to not speed, and I need to go to bed and snooze.

Then there are the deeper reasons. These reasons can be a combination of surface reasons all bumbling into one another and causing you to fall quicker and deeper, or they can be frankly, reasons that by even only having one can cause your week to be less than yellow. They can be heavy and personal.

I have a couple problems I am facing in my life right now. I haven’t been taking care of myself as well I should be. Golly, no not at all. I’ve learned so much in regards to valuable guidance from God and through family and friends the last year and half, personally and professionally somewhat, I’ve tried and worked and put into action advice and direction I’ve receieved. I’ve said no, I’ve said yes. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve second guessed. (This is quickly turning into a poem). Nevertheless, I still find my forward nature becoming lessley (it’s a word now) full of zest. I feel like I’m in some sort of test.

I can’t speak on certain situations or events or happenings in my life unless if it only hinders nothing, as I want to protect. It can be known however, that I’m tired and I’m fretting about letting myself become one of the many and be accepted or keep being myself though by this I find myself about to be less and less understood.

Don’t we all seek to be understood, or at least at times? Maybe. Maybe not, but I sure do. I don’t make sense often and I’m tired of hearing people to tell me to be more realistic. It really adds up and hurts bad when I let the words actually change my opinions, my decisions and how I live my own life out. As long as I’m not affecting anybody else, why should it matter. I understand when people want to protect me or want what’s best for me, but I have recently (including this week) when sifting over a lot of huge decisions I can either make or not make right now which will change the course of my life once more, find a what’s best for me may be different than a baseline definition already made.

My life is also not static. It’s not one bit.

I do realize I have quite high standards for everything in my life, maybe that’s why to some I may appear to be a bit silly or unrealistic. Maybe I am, but what’s so bad about it? The high standards I try my best to keep, keep me pushing for better jobs, or better plans, or better atmospheres, okay, honestly, a better life. I can’t let myself lower my standards to fit a definition I have no intention on defining my life.

My week brought me blue from being with friends giving me calmness, to being blue to being sad, yes, I am sad for some personal reasons in my life, to feeling lost, because I do feel a little lost as I just need to know if someone can understand me even if they don’t agree, I yearn to be understood, and it was blue in the gentle moments and it’s blue, dark blue because dark blue is classic though.

Classic is timeless. Timeless is unchanged by different definitions being made by people who want to change everyone to fitting into their realistic approach. Timeless is it’s own, and timeless shows me hope, that I can live timeless in my own path. I won’t be alone no matter what I choose. I’ve chosen to have a faith in God that will be here all the way in this life I live, through every color and every definition being defined. I have hope.

This week was blue because I’m tired. I’m not always going to be tired though because I’m doing something about the blue that shows me tired, I’m going to change what I need to change, and it’s all full circle because to embark on changes I will have to be calm and understand the whereabouts of the sadness and know why I feel don’t want to feel lost and how to put a stop to it and become more hopeful than ever.

I know God is with me. I often find myself praying late at night at a total loss and know only He can help me. I break down and cry. His power overcomes the air and I find His presence calms me more than anything I have known. Our God is timeless. He is indeed the best hope we have and He will not leave you, He won’t. So I must remember that as I move onward into my week, and decide upon choices that will effect my life once more. I do some spontaneous things, but often with a whole lot of thinking through. Who knows what’s next for us, right?

Happy week and remember you’re worth it. 🙂

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

A Pocket-Sized Collection of my Pocket-Sized Poems

Hello darlings,

Being a new time in my life, I was looking back at a few of my poems I have written throughout many changes in my life. These poems are pocket-sized and there are only a pocket-sized amount here. Poetry is my favorite form of writing. I positively love poetry, no matter the type. I find it serene even when sad, when most happy and can always twirl the emotions in thoughts you weren’t aware you had. I loved poetry in school, I loved it out of school and I find it helps me feel better after writing or helps me feel even better depending on the circumstance. I don’t necessarily title my poems, I just sit and write and think of how I’m structuring them as I go, and I love pocket-sized poems particularly.

We begin and end with hopeful poems I’ve written because my hope is to always continue to help others find hope in the most pocket-sized pieces of life if they have too or want too. Pocket sized poems are quick to peruse and quick to spark something in you that will hopefully be a hope bringing fuse. (See what I did there? A pun AND a rhyme).. 🙂

When you fear the future…

Don’t let uncertainty be

The ending when something will finally set you free,

You see,

It’s not good to be all too carefree, 

And it’s not good to continue to flee,

Don’t stay put like a tree 

And wade in the waves of the sea

This will become a long eternity

If you’re never letting yourself have glee

It’s only a matter of time before we

All must eventually decree,

Who it is we will want to be

So sit back and relax and have a cup of tea

You’re going to be fine if you choose to be,

Yes, you’ll see

You can be one happy happy happy, ducky. 🙂

And you find serenity in the life from before and now and tomorrow…

You look back at the past,

You look inward to the present,

You look forward to the future,

You see a fast moving…pleasant feeling…times full of somewhat, well you’re unsure,

But you keep on aways thinking so pure,

You stay positive when you come to a dent,

You know life can move somewhat fast,

And you decide to look up at the clouds and smile for something good is bound, jus bound to happen next. 

Always remember you get to be you at all times, this is your life and you’ve got this…

Rainy flows,

The dark nights endlessly begin to grow.

And sparks only we all yearn to understand, to know,

seem to stop telling us no,

Finally

Finally

Though, wait

Where did we go?

We choose this time though,

Where do we go? 

It’s our chance to decide, oh

How life is strange and how life expands, worlds come together and galaxies link up, sometimes we see it and sometimes we don’t, take in a moment and let life slow. 💚When life seems bleak,

Remember you’re not at all going to let yourself be weak,

Turn the other cheek,

There may need to be more than one tweek,

but, hey, you’ve got this because you are unique. 

I find so much means for poetry in nature with all God gave us outdoors…

Nature’s nice, why?

Why because

Though always changing

Though not always full of golden beaming sunshine rays

Though sometimes bringing chaotic disarray

Though always surprising

Why that’s the cause

Nature’s nice, why?

Why because

It is always gratefully changing

It is always full of rainbows God put in the clouds to lay

Sometimes it even gives us a cool starry night display

It is always giving us the best kind of surprising

Nature’s nice

Why?

Because it’s beautiful nevertheless. 🙂 

And when you feel all alone, your Creator God loves you and wants YOU here on this earth…

I hope you feel something within your heart sparking you to feeling you deserve great love,

I wish for you to know inside your mind wholeheartedly that you are worth more than all the hurt inside though know you can right now be free of,

Moving forward and onward I dream of each of us to always know we deserve only and all of the hopeful love from the sad thoughts above.

You are special and by God above you are loved, loved, loved. 🙂 

You’re loved by our one and only God and worth so much.

Have a lovely evening,

Molly Marie 🙂