When Loving

Dear darlings,

Love is my favorite word.

Loving is my favorite thing to do.

Being loved is my favorite feeling from God.

Do I love everyone? I do.

Do I sometimes think this is a bad idea? No.

Does loving everyone mean I love all of their decisions? No.

Does loving everyone mean I love everything? No.

Does loving everyone mean I give excuses for actions? Yes.

Does loving everyone mean I forgive easily? Yes.

Does my loving of everyone mean I don’t often get hurt by others due to overlooking negative characteristics because of love? No.

Does loving everyone mean my capacity to love even more after I get hurt, increases? Yes.

Do I get hurt knowing not everyone loves me back? Often.

Do I know God loves me always? Always and every moment of every second.

Loving everyone is far different than just seeing only the good in someone and appreciating it. Loving everyone is vastly varied from just wanting to constantly show people they are loved. Loving everyone is not the same as just being kind to a stranger.

Loving everyone is truly difficult and I don’t do it perfectly. I never will.

God does.

I do try my best to love everyone in a way that God would be proud of. A way that God helps me do. I believe God instilled in me a yearning to feel the feeling of love deeply towards everyone here. I do care about everyone, I do want what’s best for everyone, I do think everyone deserves kindness, I do think everyone is full of potential, I do want to hug everyone and I do forgive easily.

I don’t do these things the way God does though. I believe that God doesn’t do these things and expect, EVER, to have these happenings returned to Him. I believe He is always aware that He is doing these things out of the love only He can give us. I  believe He is capable of more love than we can ever fully comprehend.

You see, I don’t always, and don’t purposely, love others because I want loved back.

Though I do long for that love back.

Whether it be a simple hug without my usual and happy initiation. Perhaps, it’s a simple action to help me out as I go about a task during the day. It could be a smile and a wave that I wasn’t expecting from a stranger.

I could go on.

I’m constantly loving on everyone and I love it. God made it easier for me than other things that I do of which are more difficult, like hmm… maybe some would say, be more “realistic”?

That’s a usual one. The truth is, I am usually rather logical in my process of going about life, I just also let myself get lost in a daydream as I go about life at the same time.

Realistic is different than logical though, I think.

Realistic in this case, some may say, I shouldn’t be so easily forgiving of everyone?

Why not? Forgiveness doesn’t mean I didn’t learn. It doesn’t mean I am being silly to let someone off the hook. It doesn’t mean I don’t move forward without any understanding of how to go about things differently in the future.

Nevertheless, there are things that are “realistic” in consideration that maybe I am not always the most adapt to. I don’t particularly like looking at the wrongs and negativeness of a person. Which in turn can cause hurt. I see it, maybe not all the time, okay, but I overlook it, focusing more on the positive and the hopeful.

I don’t think this is a fault in me. I think it is a God given love for others.

Now, I don’t think God wants me to be hurt by this sharing of love though, which is where I get into hurt. I need to work on not so much every being curious why not everyone or even many are returning the love back.

I will in small increments feel a twinge of hurt add up throughout a moment, or I will at the end of the day sit back and think about all that occurred and in this case, didn’t occur in regards of feeling loved back.

I am never alone. I always have God.

I can be with God and be on my own.

Sometimes being on my own has become more enjoyable lately because surrounding myself with others only causes disappointment. These bits of hurt that come from the not happenings of feeling loved back, only happen in the first place because I love being with people. I’m talking everybody. I love everybody, in different ways and different feelings of love encapsulate these, but I do, love everybody.

When I am on my own, I don’t have to come to any reminder that not everybody loves me the way I love them.

Does that cause more hurt?

It can, because then there is no chance of letting someone love me back.

I know God always loves me though and wants me to continue loving the way He hopes for me to.

It would be nice if once in a while I didn’t let myself get hurt knowing it doesn’t mean someone doesn’t love me if they don’t show it the way I do.

It would be neat if I could know that it doesn’t matter if someone else out there doesn’t love me in return because the love I showed them is still beautiful and makes God proud. Remember, God still loves us.

It would be nifty if I could always know that the hurt I feel from not feeling loved in return by those folks is a false idea I construed in my head because so many do love me.

My hurt stems from the hope that one day I feel the kind of love from others that I give without hesitation or sometimes with, so happy to do so, and not even expect it and then not receive it when I, let myself think I would have it.

It is okay though.

Not only did God give me the love of loving others, but He gave me hope.

I do get love back. I do get that hug and I do get that smile and wave and I do get the helpful actions from others. They are there between the hurts and the not understandings. They are there.

I will always hope that they continue to happen.

One thing is for certain, I know God will always love me back.

God loves you.



Molly Marie 💖


Week Color Tea Green

Hi folks!

I hope you’re happy. I’m happy.

Emotions are all over with me all the time. There is the present consistency of living my life in a joyful way because I love God so much and all He has provided. That is always there. I have that joy always.

The emotions pertaining to my feelings, or moments and what is happening in life are not consistent all the time. Currently, I’ve been back and forth and here and there and everywhere with trying to figure out the way I’m feeling and what to do and why there is a how I’m so sure of some feelings and with others, I feel so uncertain about.

I take note of other’s and my own feelings regarding situations from tiny to large everyday. It’s not only fascinating to learn how other people feel, but it is so helpful to be able to put yourself by them emotionally and maybe help them. That’s fulfilling.

It is also helpful for my own self to understand my feelings and try and thoroughly process them to the best of my current ability. I do this to not only feel better, to learn how to help others, but to hopefully make decisions based upon the logic of the situation and the feelings all coming together.

What’s one feeling I’ve processed lately? Well, just this week I attended the Alive Festival. That’s a Christian music festival.


 Worshipping God makes my heart so very happy. Sharing His love makes my heart grin all so huge. Loving God and knowing His love for us makes my heart full, full, full. ❤️

One of my favorite things about the random and usual and ever increasing adventures I go on is experiencing new things, of course! Well not only new things in the adventures themselves, but seeing different people and how they interact in different environments. I love classic, experiencing to be put simply. 

At Alive yesterday, it was quite absorbing to not only see how different people worshipped the Lord in a much larger group and atmosphere than I am used to, but to be apart of it. I go to a tiny church though beautiful, and I’ve only been to quaint or maybe medium churches and small ones for the most part. I love the intimacy of worship within those churches. I love the way there is a quieter yet still passionate love being praised to God even without as many voices. 

Yesterday at Alive I experienced a just as passionate love being praised to God, but with a rather giant crowd who all were just as lost in the moment with only loving God in their hearts. There were more voices. 

I love people, but I for once felt like the quiet girl again, just swaying and swaying and loving God. 

Lately that’s been happening with me and it’s something I’ve taken notice of. I tend to be with people a lot. From my job with sweet children to my theatre company and everything I run around and do in between and college and you know, my woodland critter friends out in the forest being cute. I have been feeling more okay being not alone, always with God, but being on my own. One of my many fears used to be isolation. It was huge. I was so scared of being isolated overall in life. Though, now, isolation hasn’t even lingered on my mind as something to stress over for quite sometime. I’m finding I’m serene being on my own and lately it’s made moments like Alive yesterday more impactful as I was not alone, no, not by any means, but I was happy to be surrounded by folks who were all coming together to celebrate never being alone because we always have God. ❤️

This feeling of learning how I find isolation not a scary feeling anymore, but one to enjoy, and want to be in when the moments occur, is so beautiful. I know I’m with God and He is letting me be on my own in the moment. Letting me be with Him. It’s beautiful and it’s so much tea green.

Tea green isn’t dark, it isn’t light, it’s a medium sort of green that also has a little air of brown. It’s a nice green, believe me. I’m sure you can picture your favorite shade of green, well this isn’t mine, but it’s one of them. This shade of green reminds me of fear and with God, learning how to let fears go. It’s tea green. Tea is refreshing. God’s love and hope for us is the most refreshing of all.

Have a beautiful night folks, and please enjoy a cup of tea if you feel the sweet need!


Molly Marie 🙂 💖


Week Color Light Blue

Dear deers,

I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re feeling relaxed. I hope you feel the love God has for you.

This week in particular has been an utterly light blue shade. Blue can be so many feelings from feeling down to feeling alright to feeling cheery to feeling hope.

This week it’s just a bit of all of that, but primarily I’m feeling understanding. I’m feeling soothed by God’s gift of helping me look behind me and being glad I was the way I was, so I know how much He brought me through, showed me, helped me become who I am now, and not feel hurt or downtrodden by the seeming pitfulls, pressures and pains of the past, but hopeful I will now have a better understanding of the excitement of the future He has planned for us.

I tend to be a nostalgic person. I used to get so caught up in feelings I once felt, whether it be from the love I had for a certain passion or the feelings I had being around certain people who make me glad I am around the correct place to meet them. I couldn’t let myself believe that the future was full of feelings I didn’t even yet know I could experience, and that I would always find those feelings again, but even more, more beautiful ones that God had waiting.

I’m a huge feeling person. I love feeling. I take small moments and let myself feel them to the fullest. One thing I do all of the time is look around me when I’m outside, my true habitat. I look around, take in the scent of the flowers swaying their scent in the wind, hearing the birdies chirping their sweet tunes and watch the green hues of leaves flourish in the wind, back and forth, back and forth. I enjoy this moment and enjoy that I feel nothing, but love and comfort in God’s beautiful life given to us.

I love feeling and truthfully, I know deep in me that God is always providing more beautiful feelings than I can currently predict.

Though there are moments when I am so throughout me happy, and happy is not a word that should be taken lightly. I mean, happy is a strong word. It isn’t always an easy thing to be happy, but it is the feeling I love so much because I find myself choosing it day after day. Those moments when I am so throughout me happy are moments when I think I’ll never feel the same sort of happy again. Those moments pass and all I want is to grab them back.

When I was a senior in high school I found myself having new freedoms, becoming more independent and learning more about what God was bringing in my future. I had this feeling of fascination at what was in store. This then led into a year I unexpectedly found new feelings from. Feelings of every color seemed to ensue except that they didn’t.

These past two years were full of feelings that I continully let myself embrace inside of me, trying to understand what I was going through, why I may or may not have enjoyed a specific feeling and what I wanted to change. I ended up learning so much from God.

Throughout this time there are many memories associated with different places and events and doings.

Driving down certain roads on a dark night with my window down and music on and the smell of a warm breeze drifting through my window can bring upon memories of relaxed periods after being with friends at an event.

Walking down a trail under spring weather nature growth, given to us by God, looking at the beauty He grew is all around in a place I used to walk feeling so lost and all so speechlessly happy and curious in the times of my past, brings back those days I was a younger girl who didn’t know what she was about to encounter. Thank you God. 🙂 💖

I’ve gotten those feelings again lately, and those are two happenings of them happening. I was brought back to a more happy me, maybe a more melancholy me or maybe just a more less understanding me. No matter what, it used to hurt more remembering those times. It doesn’t hurt so much anymore. Why? God has not only healed me, but has shown me that I am always being given more beautiful feelings by Him.

I am still curious, I am still happy and I am still hopeful.

Faith is a beautiful way to not feel blue by the past in a negative way, but to feel blue by the past in an understanding way.

God helped me to understand and now I have more to learn, and I cannot wait for God to help us on our way.

Good blessings!


Molly Marie 🙂


Month Color Yellow, but in a Butter Way

Dear dears,

It’s May. It is spring and not only are the flowers blooming colorfully around us and are trees growing their luscious leaves of green and birds continue singing their chirps through the morning breeze, but life is starting again. That’s what spring is, a new beginning of the seasonal changes in regards to growth in a simple sense. Spring also seems to be the time of year that people begin to become a bit happier in an all around purport, this is most likely due to the fact that the sun is shining more so and the temperature is a typical of folk comfortable to let loose outside more. Nature is truly a place of peace for many people including myself. Spring brings newness, spring brings refreshment and this means change.

Nonetheless, I am not feeling it in the way I have before, that “newness”, but I am feeling it in a way I always wanted.

Most springs, well springs that I can specifically remember, my life has always undergone huge change around this time of year. We can be simple in this change and for a reference let’s be nostalgic and go back to me being freshly 18 and just graduating high school. You can imagine, that is a change. I now have decisions to make on what I am going to do with my life going forward, and it isn’t that I didn’t before, but I had more ability to let myself do completely what I wanted, finally. To add, considering the way I am, I had many ideas, many whirring possibilities, and dream upon dream forming.

Are my bigger life changes due to the fact it is spring or just coincidence? I think it is a bit of both. However, I come to expect spring to always be the time my life starts taking on a new color, as I usually think. This year it didn’t. I always wanted my life, or at least just for a little while in my life, sometimes, to feel at ease, and stable when it comes to my emotions. My life in the past was usually so full of drama, and emotions tend to run high, I make my life dramatic, I get involved in dramatic occurrences and life happenings, and I make my own personal thoughts dramatic. Dramatic doesn’t necessarily mean negative, but it makes life different, maybe overwhelming at times, or maybe even more exciting too.

Well, I suppose a part of my pink year and feeling that sweet feeling of pink I know God is giving me, is also feeling serene.

Don’t get me wrong, I love feeling serene and find it so often in small moments in my day, like seeing the moon stare down at me, shining with nothing, but the sound of crickets and God’s calming presence with me, or sitting outside, covered by the branches of trees above me, busy with squirrels and photosynthesis. Okay, see? Nature is peace bringing. Anywho, I almost had to purposely search for those moments of serenity, (I just wrote a one act play for college called “Collecting Serene Moments”, that is a fun fact for your day) or stumble upon them and appreciate them as much as I could, knowing God gave them each to me to love.

Now I have a stable feeling of serenity in my everyday life and foreseeable future. The serene feeling isn’t as strong as the serene moments I feel when I am out looking at the moon, but it’s a serene feeling of serene. It isn’t a loud color, it is a toned down color, it is butter yellow.

You see, my life has become stable due to the fact that God’s purpose for me is aligning with my passions, and my passions are aligning with God’s purpose for me and I am purposefully trying to grow myself in His purpose for me. I don’t feel so unsure right now on what He wants for me. I love that, and I am working at it.

I am finished with another semester of college today. I found out I get to teach drama to kids continuing to work at the school I am an APS teacher at currently for the summer, which means I don’t HAVE to or even WANT to change jobs again, for the time being. If you know me, I am not scared to change jobs. Scratch that, I am sometimes scared, well I feel bad, but I still change jobs if I feel God is calling me to. It’s nice to not change jobs though and be excited about the future of my job. It’s exciting to know that if I want to finish up school, most of my schooling is done, now I can focus on majority of ONLY classes pertaining to theatre and performance, unless I decide upon journalism or science still. You never know. Again, scratch that. I never know.

Besides school and my job, my life outside of those two things, isn’t really out of usual right now, which is very strange for me. For one thing, now that I have, oh my goodness, you don’t know probably anything that has happened in the last about 2 months unless you actually know me, which I knew, I just said oh my goodness for dramatic effect (see? I like some dramatic vibes, unless maybe I don’t anymore as I am on this serenity wave? Oooh, waves are serene, okay bye, except not bye because I am still writing), but I have my own theatre company now, which I shared, but I also got to perform in New York City in an off off Broadway skit, which I will have to share as it was what I believe is a God given glimpse into what will be if I keep working hard, but understand that now isn’t the time, keep the dream going, but work where I am at. Ontop of that some very beautiful blessings have come regarding The Luminescent Moon from getting to connect with thrilled folks on the fact that my hometown is having a theatre company, to getting to let the word be shared of my talented crew and cast of The Diary of Anne Frank in a huge newspaper, written so kindly and thoroughly, to getting to have my first radio interview to share the word of my crew and cast yet again and their beautiful talents and to finally getting God’s gift of sharing the crew and cast’s hard work and beautiful talents with my hometown at a historic and beautiful theatre. Thank you God. ❤

Now I am planning our next show already, and I was practically offered a sweet role in a somewhat dream or goal show with a huge possibility in my hometown and all the excitement my theatre life seems to bring I don’t only do theatre, outside of my life of theatre, my own personal life is also serene. I go to work, while my job is challenging, it is meaningful, I find myself experiencing so many small stories of my littles and I find it rewarding to hopefully make an impact in their young lives. I look forward to college as a future training experience to open doors if I go back full time with classes pertaining completely to what I decide. I look forward to the fact that God gave me my piece of rewarding passion that I needed while being in Ohio. A while ago I was struggling on finding out why God wanted me to stay in Ohio. The constant back and forth and change I was undergoing here was becoming silly to me, I didn’t get where I was going and why I wasn’t going where I thought I should be. God gave me this job that I want to keep for the time being so I can really work in the lives of the children through my passion that I find theatre being so important in sharing stories of humans with others, He gave me my college possibility of looking exciting and not boring, but full of hope, He gave me my company to bring more of my passion to the hometown I grew up in and do what I want to do with it, I get to decide with Him every step of the way. He gave me the opportunity to become more involved with the church I attend, to sing and worship Him. I hope to grow in ministry. He gave me kind friendships and the feeling of not being alone. I love being alone, I do, but I don’t feel so alone right now. I feel apart of something, I don’t know what, but it’s neat to feel this way. He brought me a sense of serenity, I am not worried much, I am living in the moment more so, and I will let it stay for now. He gave me a blessing and it’s yellow, a butter yellow, and I could say it “butter” stay for the sense of a pun, but if my life changed once more, I wouldn’t be surprised and if I end up as a rancher in Utah next week, I’d be along for the ride. Literally, if I am a rancher I may be riding a horse.

Life is pink, and it is the pink I knew God was giving me this year. It is sweet pink. I didn’t quite realize serenity was going to be so sweet. I love it.

So with my life feeling stable and I don’t currently anticipate WANTING at the moment to make any big changes, for once, I welcome the serenity fully. I welcome the stability for now. The stability I think prepares me for the adventure that lies ahead. Thank you God. He is amazing. Jesus Christ is amazing. I love them.

I hope you feel serene and good blessings friends, until next time? I hope next time is sooner this time. I do.


Molly Marie 🙂



Month Color Light Pink

Dear darlings,

It is the final day of February. It is 11:58 a.m., so actually it is two minutes to the final day of February, one of the sweetest months of the year romantically and quite differently. Particularly, the reason I have sat down to write is because I am not allowing myself to work anymore today, so I baked a banana bread that is slowly, but surely, baking away in a hot oven of which I cannot go to bed until I finish letting the bread bake. So I thought, why not write on my blog and get some of my month out in words, it’ll help me relax a bit.

To start, I turned 20 this month. I think somewhere in my color loving inner thoughts, I always thought 20 would be a light pink year. When I think of light pink, I think of focus, focus on my dreams, I think of hope, hope for a lovely year, and sweetness in all ways sweetness can be. I know and only can hope that this year of being 20 will be sweet, and let me tell you, it already is.

What did this month contain within its 28 days? GOD of course. So much God. You can’t have too much God. What else? Well, college and work of course. We all know that’s what I do, but it also contained my sweet and loving family and friends, it contained a sweet surprise birthday party before rehearsal planned by one of my sweet best friends and my sweet  crew and cast, it contained silly and sweet memories made by accident while driving around in the starlit sky, it contained rewarding moments at work with my sweet kiddos, it held interesting topics learned in my sweet schooling, it held moments of sweetness all around and I will not keep going because some moments are even sweeter when we let ourselves think about them quietly.

It was not a lickity split, snap and I am feeling 20 and all of it’s age 20 apparent occurences of sweetness, but no, maybe it was.

Last year I was learning a lot of what and what not to do. Thank you God.

This year I am learning a lot of how and why I want to do. Thank you God.


I have been becoming better at decisions to be made by myself, I have become less fearful of my future and I have become more assertive in areas needed.

These three happenings are BIG for a women like me. I don’t want the world, I don’t want the people in it, to change me or to make me feel I need to coincide with any ideal made by themselves. I will following God’s path for me and using the passions He instilled in me to KEEP MOVING FORWARD, past FEAR and onto the BEAUTIFUL life still in the future.

I finished directing my second show this month, and it was my first teen and through adult play. The show was The Diary of Anne Frank. This show meant a lot to me, I not only am fascinated by history, but Anne, a little girl, sweet, and smart, was, along with many others, put into a life of hurt, her story was tragic, but laced with hope due to her faith in God.

Faith in God. That is sweet.

The duration of the show brought its challenges, many pertaining to me needing to buckle down and tell it like it is, be a director and be okay with the fact that most people aren’t going to agree with my decisions theatrically, because in my everyday life, well, I don’t get agreed with much anyway. Nonetheless, the show was quite successful, due to decisions being made, due to me letting myself finally let go that to put on something respectful and what I thought would be what gave the most glory to God by showing the passions and talent and STORY from Him.

Theatre is a great way for me to carry other aspects of my life into it’s quarters, train and learn and use those lessons for my everyday life. Although, let’s be honest, theatre is my everyday life as well, but you get what I mean. However, especially now, theatre is in my life forever I had always hoped, but since I have founded my own theatre company, it has only sweetly increased.

I think God wanted me to start a theatre company. I am moving to New York City here soon. Oh, I am. Furthermore, I still think God, as I have been trying and trying to figure out, has had at least 8 reasons that He has wanted me to stay in Ohio for a bit longer than being a 15 year old with plans. One of them finally came to me.

My company is called The Luminescent Moon Theatre Company.


The company is called Luminescent Moon because while I was trying to come up with a company name, my dad said to me that I needed to think of something bigger than a hometown, small town name, something bigger like a name of a galaxy or something about space, because he knows I am so intriuged by astronomy. Well, the moon is in space and I have always had such a love for the moon and while trying to think of beautiful and words that could add to the word “moon”, I came upon “luminescent”. Luminescent is not only lovely to gaze at like the moon, but it is big, and bright and describes the moon while being a thrill to say, all while tying into the idea of our mission statement of letting our performers be as bright as the moon’s glow.

You are luminescent.

My hometown does not have a theatre company and we are small, but fairly large. That makes sense. We would have a great audience for a theatre company, full of people wanting to be involved. Wow, God placed me in exactly the right place to be. Thank you God. He always knows.

After many phone calls, paperwork, filing and back and forths, and at this point it is still ongoing, I have created the company and we are expecting a first curtain call in the coming months.

This is definitely rewarding, a company in a town I grew up always wishing had a theatre company close by, working on theatre with my own rules and with all the say I want, and making theatre sooner to being my only job for income, and sweetest of all, I can give back to those in my community, finally giving those with a passion, a chance, it is so sweet.


So sweetness is ensuing, because I am following what God has planned.

My bread is done baking, I can sleep now and also enjoy the bread.


Now off to go continue being an independent, dress twirling, hope loving, bread eating, spontaneous decision making, in her head often, not from Jupiter or the 1950’s as she would like to be, me. It will be sweet, but I do hope I can continue to only love and learn.

I look forward to more sweetness coming and I hope you are too.

Good blessings.


Molly Marie 🙂


The Colors I Feel and A Big Decision Not Counteracting Them All


Hi friends,

With all the feelings you could be feeling, I hope you are feeling your favorite ones today and as of late.

I am feeling a mixture of many today, and these aren’t just today feelings in colors, but a bubbling of colors from the past few months that consistently appear more vibrantly than others.

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I also love being slightly artsy for enjoyment of being dramatic and girly’s sake here. 🙂

So what colors do we have? We have light and faded pink, dark yellow, a rainforest green, slight pastel pink and a bright blue. They all mean something and they all make sense with my emotion. I will explain, but first, I finally made a big decision and I am not currently sharing it much to many people because I am a little unsure how, so it’s nice to share it to myself if anyone through writing.

I am 90% sure I will be going now, going to New York, not for a trip and no, not forever, but for awhile. The thought of going about 3 years ago, well I cannot recall exactly, but I believe it was all bright blue and shining yellow, whereas I was scared, but KNEW, I KNEW, I was going to go, then the previous 3 years happened. In those three years I have wanted to pick up and move on the spot, redirect my whole life, move other places, stay put, go in the future, go other places first, stay home for the time being and more. I have wanted to cry at the thought of being so sure and yearning to go and thinking I could not, I have cried thinking about how excited I was to be about to go, I have cried thinking about how I was supposed to already be there and am not and lately, I feel as if I have only cried thinking I needed to go now, but wanted to stay home…for now. I was lost in this sense over time, but not in each moment. God had me exactly where He wanted me.

God has kept me here in Ohio these past three years. So much has happened. I have learned, experienced, hurt and healed, discovered and adventured and found more of God’s will for me. I know God was keeping me here, I know it. The tears of hurt at the thought of leaving behind my life here so soon, proved it. It was not my time to go away to my soon future in a different state and in a different city quite yet. Lately, however, I feel so many loose ends, and lessons, and possibilities can continue to be tied up, discovered more, and soar from here even with me out of Ohio. I feel due to many life circumstances, God is giving me the decision, to stay or to go. I don’t cry so much anymore thinking about how scared I am to leave behind here, because I know what truly matters WILL NOT be left behind at all. I don’t fret due to the money, the realities of moving. I don’t get stressed thinking I am not ready or prepared. I feel only a decision needs to be made, do I want to stay or go?

I think I need to go.

Now I just said leaving doesn’t cause me as many tears. Maybe I should change that, after all, I am a Molly. I am emotional and dramatic and feel every color of the rainbow in a given time, but yes, just writing up my almost made decisions is striking a bit of a sadness in me, maybe its nostalgia, maybe it’s overwhelmed emotions, maybe it’s curiosity I am letting hold me back from things I can change, or maybe it’s just sadness, because for once, I am about to make a large decision that doesn’t cause me much fear or uncertainty. I feel a tear may fall.

It hurts to leave my family. It hurts to know I won’t see them everyday.

It hurt to leave my friends. It hurts to leave people apart of my life in Ohio.

It hurts to leave my home.

It hurts to leave the simple things, like my bike path, my outdoor home and my favorite places to dwell.

God can heal me from this hurt and turn it into love.

I can love my family and friends and the people even from a new place.

I can call somewhere new my home to love and still remember this as once my loving old home.

I can find my outdoor spots to love somewhere new and love my spots here in Ohio just the same.

I know God will give me all He thinks I should have or He wants me to have and what I hope for in His plan even going to New York. I will try my best to make the right decisions leading to these happenings.

I know to further God’s plan for me and to further His purpose and the passions He has given me, this move could help.

I don’t really know how to bring up this ever-growing thought to anyone besides God and myself. It has always been known to family and friends and many others my dream of finally making the decision to do the spontaneous move, to further my dreams in musical theatre and journalism and just GO. Now that dream is finally finalizing. My family and my friends and everyone is supportive and I am so glad God kept me here to experience the life I needed here. When I say experience I mean, help those I could, be with those I could, love those I will always love and meet those I did and cherish memories I will always keep.

I have done so much research on New York living and academies if I decide to go. I one time got scared and sad in a sense and dropped my research, knowing the time wasn’t right. Something happened and the urge to research and plan again, was put in me by God more and more recently and largely quite lately.

I am looking at applying to either conservatory programs, academies or schools, or maybe none of those, and perhaps just move and go from there with all of my other little bits of planning taking place. I am not as dewy-eyed as I may seem except that I am, but God has used this piece of my personality to guide me in His plan for me and I will accept it, while trying to gather as much education as I can that He provides for me. I try to be as educated and aware as I can be, while maintaining the curious sort of innocence I have come to realize is always going to be in me.

I plan to leave by age 21, that is next February. Maybe this Fall or maybe next Spring. This is my plan and while it causes me sadness to type, it causes me hope as well. I know God gives me hope and it’s Him helping me make a literal big “move” in my life by trying to wipe away any thoughts of sadness in this stage of planning.

I don’t know if I should ask for the opinions of others, or not. I don’t know if I can bear all of the back and forth and opposing thoughts on what I should do. It overwhelms me so often because everyone has a different idea for my life so often and I get so….stuck. I get stuck not knowing how to decide. New York is one of my dreams because I also never wanted to feel stuck, I feel I can do more good when it was my time to journey there, and now it’s time and I am unstuck. Nonetheless, I was never stuck even when I felt like it, because God was only helping me. Sticking me where I needed to be with the people I needed to be with. So maybe I do need the opinions of others, to help me and further my plans.

I am not lost. I am not lost with God.

I am curious, that is why I am bright blue. I love my curiosity, it brings me great love and cheer in this life.

I feel sweetness in my heart, that is why I am light and faded pink.

I feel adventurous and so that dark green comes in.

The rainforest green signals learning.

That pastel pink sliver, is hope.

I feel these colors so often and so often regarding my big decision.

If anybody can help me out here with my bundle of colors, and sorting out my thoughts, please do.  Do you think I am making a decision I should? Furthermore, what are your colors? I love learning about people, and colors are a very thought provoking way to do that. It would be nice to meet more people, especially if I’m about to move. The lovely technology God has blessed us with, can keep us in touch talking about our colors to each other forever from anywhere. 😉


Molly Marie 🙂

Making This Week Magenta

Howdy non aliens of the universe,

I hope your week is the exact color you are trying to mix it up to be as of so far, whether rainforest green or copper or red as red can be.

Mine is currently a cloud, a mix of grays, lights and darks. It’s good and it’s got some unforeseen uncertainties. It’s not bad, and not at all altogether bad, but it’s hard to figure out. Nonetheless, by the end of the week I want to be able to look back and see it altogether be magenta, whether it was a slow unfurling of the greys mixed with pieces of red along the way or a sudden change just plopping the grays out of the way making room for a magenta hue, I don’t mind. Although, I prefer the sudden change, magenta where are you? Of course, I understand a good ole’ unfurl of the grays though, maybe a slow unfurl could be a good thing, helping me slowly figure out the reason I’ve been surrounded by grays anyway.

Should I mention the grays?


I could. Silly enough, I probably won’t. I can’t really. Here’s my first gray, a gray exists in this soot because there are so many pieces of life that I want to share, I want to write about and I want to understand better by doing just that, sharing and writing, BUT I cannot so often, I cannot. It stinks, let’s be true. Whether it be about work life and work situations, or it be about places I was in involving others, or it be about my family in a happening or my friends and a circumstance or even just my heart and mind towards anyone or anything, there’s so much I have restricted myself from sharing. Why?

Why because for the time being, it’s a sensible move.

For example, events that take place at work, stressful or silly, memorable or exhausting, the whole shebang of possibilities that strew from my professional pieces of life, are to be mostly kept to the premises of which I work, or maybe within the close knit conversation between confidantes where I can share a sliver of to either receive advice, support or a giggle or two. It’s not always a smart move to talk about work publically, which is something I stray often from doing.

Then there comes the aspects of my life involving other people. Oh my goodness, these can get to have a very fine line, these aspects. What names can I share or what events or moments can I share without being too unambiguous? What parts of my life, that may have or may currently be affecting me so deeply can I write on or let outside of my heart and mind for a tad to discuss and unfurl? Not much it seems, I don’t want to have anybody making assumptions on others and I also don’t always want people to make wrongful assumptions about me or for people to know everything about me in certain times.

The grays in this category, this middle gray color of uncertainty and sadness that comes with the necessary unfurling of these grays, is very prevalent this week.

Thankfully, I am so often alone, off and about and experiencing my own little adventures, physically on the earth or emotionally within my own mind, that there is so much for me to share where only myself is present. No one can be hurt, nothing can be affected negatively, except for me.

Except for me?

Even then, this can be strange.

I love sharing myself, my stories and my thoughts. I love sharing my observations and my workings and my passions and dreams. This is true for real life with the people I encounter down to my closest bezzies of  family and friends. I want to share when I want to.

I just hope one day soon I can share more. I want to share my whole heart, or at least closer too, my mind without rewording and rewriting as I’m scared someone may misconstrue and my life outside of my easy to see runnings arounds and often only written abouts too.

There is more to a photo and a story to be written than what is always wrote out and I hope one day soon I will be able to say more without my fine line. A fine line is quite fine sometimes, but I only feel prevented in these grays. This is my fault, my line that I set, for others sake and my own. Nonetheless, I think I may try and find an eraser to start working on erasing away the marked line I wrote invisibily around myself.

Due to the fact that this week was so gray for so many reasons I won’t allow myself to speak about, I will leave off at this…

Its been gray. It’s been light gray like a cloud about to empty just a bit of rain before God surprises us with a vibrant rainbow in the very cloud, it’s been medium gray where we see a little smoke blocking our view as we wave our hands to try and sift it out of our eyesight and it’s been dark gray. Dark gray where I have felt so unsure, I know the storm is about to hit anytime, the rain will pour, but just how long will it last, that’s the dark gray.

I must say, there is definitely more light gray then dark. As I usually do, I see many of God’s hope bringing rainbows always on the way. I see magenta too, in that rainbow full of reds all the way down to blues.

So personally, so professionally, so neither and both, I have a lot to work on and continue not working on this week to become magenta. Maybe I can’t share it all, again, but that doesn’t matter, I can share one thing for certain… Through this strange and gray week, I chose out of the rainbow of hope from God that I want magenta. Magenta is pink and it’s red. Pink is sweet and pink is so me. Red is enthusiastic and determined and red is so me. A mixture of both makes me feel most like me. How do I get there after I unfurl the grays?

I romanticize my life. I make the smaller and the most simplest puzzle piece of my day the most overwhelmingly positive moment in time. I may sleep in an extra 20 minutes listening to my favorite music as I lay comfortably between my cozy blankets and make myself believe this is the best and most comfy light gray cloud I’ve ever layed upon, and the music is the most lovely tunes right in the moment in the world which could make me feel so relaxed.

I may remember why I look forward to my commute to work. I can pray, I can be silent and listen to the quiet, or I can listen to music to bring up my upbeat mood or calm me down and make me think. I make this commute enjoyable.

I could look outside and see how the weather is doing. Oh weather, are you happy and sunny, are you cold and dreary? Maybe you’re raining peacefully or snowing serenely? I can observe the weather and try to understand it, even though there may be no understanding to it. I can pretend and sit and just think about it, and appreciate it.

Part of how I stay so cheerful is because indeed, in all of the whirlwinds of life bringing about a clutter and tied up ball of grays, I find those kind moments, which can be almost each and every if they are kind moments to romanticize, and really turn into magenta.

Romanticize. I romanticize life. I like it that way. I truly do romanticize it, maybe that’s why I’m always so pumped about the simple things, wait no, it is, like Valentine’s Day. It’s nearing again. No, I don’t have a boyfriend and I don’t have  a date, but I am not against it because of this. There’s so much love we can give to life too, everyone, friends and family. Maybe that’s not a typical viewpoint, it’s just a made up holiday of course, but actually has historical context outside of its Hallmark card pursuits. One of the stories of who Saint Valentine was, I’ll share. There is a belief that Saint Valentine was against the decree that young men could not marry because under rule it was thought being single made for better soldiers and so Saint Valentine performed secretly, marriages for couples in love.

Nevertheless Valentine’s Day has always been for me one of those simple days to romanticize. It’s just cute. I love the pink and I love the red and the purple and the pastels. I love the fluffy stuffed animals sitting together upon the department store shelves. I love the chocolate and the hearts galore that I can go and buy for myself. I love it. Basically, I carry this love for Valentine’s Day around the year. I don’t think it’s my love for Valentine’s Day that causes me to be so interested in love, and these cute outward ideas of the day, but my love already in me for romanticizing life that makes me want to romanticize a romantic holiday. From dying my hair bright red and twirling around in pink dresses, to loving to talk about love and sweet things all to how I like living my life, I basically do feel like a human Valentine, which makes me feel so happy. Isn’t being happy such a sweet emotion? Yes. So I find what makes me happy and I romanticize it in my mind.

I hope you have a Valentine.

I hope you find your rainbow today, God is giving you hope, please accept it.


Molly Marie 🙂