Week Color Dark Orange

Howdy to everyone and hi to myself? yes, sure,

You always must remember you are extraordinary and amazing and cool beans and awesome and all that jazz. That’s important.

I hope you are well and most importantly I hope you are smiling.

Right now. Please smile. Life feels nicer when we smile.

My week was full of genuine smiles this week. One short thing I want to mention about those smiles being genuine is that they were genuine because I am consistently letting God be my guide.

When I try to go about my life ONLY on my own and do things the “Molly way” ONLY, my life hurts and starts slowly falling ever so slightly to the wayside of hope. Never does my heart fall completely apart, because our God is good and He is keeping up the pieces for me, but I am seeing the benefits of letting God in more and more right now.

Not long ago was I taking routes I didn’t completely find healthy or hopeful for myself, but I did take those routes because I felt like it. Of course, I think I thought God was involved in some ways and perhaps He was, and of course I was learning and trying to grasp a better understanding on life, but that isn’t the point I am making here.

The point I am making is that for a long time I was placed in tremendous inner battles and tremendous physical battles in my life. Some battles I had no way of fighting myself and some I could fight, always with God on my side. Nonetheless, I felt God was trying to test my faith and I am so glad and overjoyed that I kept the faith.

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I was quite happy in this photo and on this day, and I didn’t have many reasons to be, except I know God is always here beside me. I’ve got faith in Him.

I am now seeing all the joy I had all along, and through many past hardships, what patience, hope and continuous faith can provide. The blessings from God only keep coming and I know faith got me here.

Romans 8:18 ESV

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”

Life is going to continue to put trials and pain in my way, but every time I make it through with God, I know the next occurrence of difficulty above my grasp and sorrow in my wake, that God will lead me through ALWAYS.

Why does this have to do with orange? A dark orange even?

My past week reminds me of orange, dark, because orange to me signifies EXCITEMENT, NEW, possible danger in my future and curiosity. This past week I have been discovering where faith has brought me more and more so… EXCITEMENT.

Why am I excited?

Currently, I am rather fulfilled with my circumstances being rewarding. I am going to school, like I said in a bigger city with a fabulous theatre district.

Last week I gave a performance for the song “Put on a Happy Face” in my voice class and my nerves were almost nonexistent compared to the week before. I felt I had made so much progress from just the previous week or so performance. I stayed with my timing better, felt more secure in the notes and pitch and most importantly, I had CONFIDENCE.

Then I also started my job up here. I work in student services. I love it. The other day I got to work a student get to know each other function and a talented man drew my characterature in about one minute and I got free chicken and veggies. I also get to meet lots of students on campus working in student life.

Back at home I am continually working on my own projects, studying to get my fitness instructor certification, being with friends and family, my Youtube channel, the Bible Study group I put together, and my own relaxation hobbies, like hopefully horseback riding soon, my bike riding and being in nature and working out, and baking up a storm. I love this balance I have achieved.

Thennnnnnn there’s my theatre happy fun times, y’all. I am directing a children’s show at a community theatre which is so rewarding to me. I love children, they have wildly awesome imaginations and will to learn. So besides rehearsals for that, I have been working hard to create a magical set, gather props and organize all that needs to be done for the show coming up.

I also am starting work soon as a Disney Princess for a party company. I get fitted this weekend for Princess Anna and get more training, which I am so pumped about.

I just finished up being in a play called, “The Canterville Ghost” so I currently am not in a play with exciting weekly rehearsals, well, actually I am in a play, but that doesn’t start until later this week so we ain’t going to include that in this post about my past week being orange, okay? No, we can. I love being in a show, EXCITEMENT, plus it’s a Christmas show and so I honestly am just thrilled to get in more holiday spirit through rehearsals. So rehearsals are orange too.

Yikes, I should add something more to this.

Well, one of the most exciting things yet is, I am now on the praise team at church!

God is good and I will worship Him from the bottom of my heart. ❤

I also don’t need people thinking I commit to every possible activity in the book.

I decided not to go to drama club up here at college, that counts as something right? It would have been so neat to get more involved up here in the city, but timing wise, it wasn’t going to work.

Actually, I don’t care what you think. I don’t mean that in a brutle way, but a more, we all shouldn’t try to be proving to everyone why we live out the lives the way we do.

Sometimes I find myself logging off of social media because of a fear I have that I am not going to dive into right now, but the fear is deep rooted in other’s opinions of me. I dislike this very much. Nonethless, I ultimately find myself logging back in and filling up the interweb with colorful emoji NOT overloads of some sort because I care more about doing my thing than what others think, but it does slow me down and hinder me a bit. The point is, EXCITEMENT, okay? Don’t let others ruin your orange excitement!

This, these happenings, are all quite new, so that’s the new aspect of dark orange.

Then there is a warning of..danger…which goes alongside curiosity. All of this excitement can also play into my curiosity because I am constantly curious about everything, whether it be for good, sadly, the bad, thee in between, the crazy crazy and the opposite to the boring, and in conclusion, well, all of the the excitement. Curiosity can get me into things I maybe shouldn’t try to be in or stumble into more than willing, but I like being curious and I think that’s one of my defining qualities, curiosity is in my personality. However, all this excitement does bring danger like I said and it doesn’t necessarily mean WILL bring danger, but it’s a warning of danger because of all these great and happy and exciting things, I have to be careful of the paths opening and coming my way throughout these blessings.

We know our weaknesses and despite my curiosities, I know what to stray and what to strive for. Nonetheless, feeling understanding of possible danger in various circumstances, keeps me safe and helps me keep God at the core of my heart and guidance.

It is certainly an orange time.

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Fall is looking beautiful. I’d say it’s in “full bloom”, but that pun works better for spring flowers popping up. 💖😉🧡

What color was your week and what does it mean to you? 🙂

Have a lovely week.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

 

 

 

Week Color Periwinkle & My Struggle with Focus

Hello and howdy do da day,

I honestly don’t really feel like writing currently, but I do at the same time.

Oh golly, a very logical start. 😉

You must know that talking about myself or talking about subjects or stories I already know of, think about or talk about, to help bring messages across and hopefully relatable thoughts and experiences in life, can sometimes feel so redundant, and ultimately it can start becoming quite a bore to talk about my life at times.

Why?

I live so much in my own head, I am constantly rearranging, rethinking, OVERthinking, analyzing and imagining everything you can possibly imagine and then some and a half. When it comes time to share stories, share my thoughts or even share my feelings I am more than happy to often times, most times?  I find it so enjoyable often, and am quite open, but then there are many times when it becomes a chore and I would much rather stay silent and ONLY (keyword is “only” right there) observe, take in and see and even when I feel the urge to defend or put my side in, it gets to a mentally overwhelming point at times where I feel too exhausted to care enough to speak….it’s a bummer.

Does this relate to you at all? Rather, can someone relate?

I sometimes feel I speak too much and sometimes don’t speak enough. I sometimes think too much and sometimes forget to let my mind sift more so. I sometimes am so focused and tuned in and sometimes my focus hits 0 and I struggle a whole lot just to grasp some sort of meaning. Sometimes I am calm and collected, but often I am in a mild sort of frenzy energetic state of mind and physical being. Of course, I can control these emotions and physical states well enough and quite often enough to handle in appropriate situations, but the hard part is, it still always comes one way or another and I have to supress it or hold it back from growing.

For example, I started a Bible Study with my friends and we try to meet once a week. It is quite lovely, we check out different coffee shops in various areas to support local businesses as well as widen our coffee shops around the Ohio area knowledge, hehe. Plus, little places like those are absolutely great atmospheres for friendly discussion and tea is tasty…or coffee…or hot chocolate…or water.

Well, I go to Bible study often knowing this is my only increment of free time for the next who knows exactly. I understand we are all busy at times, I understand I don’t have to be busy if I CHOOSE not to be, but I choose to BE busy and therefore, you’ll see where this goes.

So I have school, I go to college about an hour away from my home, depending on traffic commute can vary. I go four days a week. I am directing a show at a community theatre my heart loves, which is very rewarding and I am in a show at that very same theatre which means double rehearsals. I am starting work study, which means I made the choice to work while going to school as I need the money. I also have this Bible study I take care of, and I am trying to attend church more. I have my own little business selling Perfectly Posh. I want to become a fitness instructor so I am studying for that as well. I also am blessed to have many dear friends and a loving family of whom I want to keep a healthy and happy relationship with each and every person in my life. On top of all of that, I want to remain healthy, which means taking care of myself and giving myself free time. Well, where does the free time come in?

That’s where it gets tricky. Again, I make my life busy, so this is all me, I shan’t complain.

I love busy, I do pretty well as making myself have free time too, but we get to the point in three, two, one…

When I am at Bible Study, often I am wishing my relationship with God would grow stronger because in my mind I often feel I am being too busy or something silly when you think about it. I pray all day long, I love God with all my heart and thank Him so often. I am blessed, I see blessings He continues to give me and I feel Him working in my life guiding me and presenting me opportunities I have a choice to make.

I know I have a strong relationship with God and will continue to grow it, but even so having this strong relationship with our Creator, I still struggle in so many areas and one of those being… (hey, we got to the point…)

Focus.

I am determined, yes. I am quite determined.

Say, I am doing an essay for school, I am determined to finish it, and so I get that paper finished. I am determined to get a 100% back, and so I make sure I get that paper back with a 100% on top. I am not, however, focused.

In my definitons here, or feeling defining definitons, I feel focused is more of a present mindset and determination is more of a futuristic mindset. This is getting artsy, I know.

I am definitley not an overall present mindsetted type of woman. I have been futuristic from way back.. (hehe, futuristic from “way back”). EXCEPT, I become very present minded when it comes to painful occurences, feelings, events, and sitations. I become so present I start losing determination to heal and become FOCUSED on feeling those negative feelings and staying put. Wow, what an enigma I have put myself into. It isn’t even just the big “woahs” or “oh my goodnesses” that cause me to lose determination in some way. I often can lose focus on trying to understand someone or something because my mind is whirring so hard, bouncing off the walls inside my cranium looking for who knows what to help solve a problem or what not, it gets annoying to me. I feel that often when I understand people my heart is taking the load of their heart and emotions and so I physically feel and emotionally feel, but my brain is not latching on all the time to their words because it’s anazlying other sense or even nonsense. This is sounding dramatic, but really, whether big or small, not all the time, but QUITE often, I struggle with focus.

I have dealt with my focus issue for, well, I don’t know how long and I don’t really think it matters, but it has began becoming more prominent with my life lately. Whether I lose focus on myself, or focus on a goal or dream, something simple like picking up a recipe to bake and becoming distracted and bored within two minutes and going off and starting something new for an hour before coming back 5 times, I get so upset that I have a problem staying focused, or even letting myself take in the words of someone else’s story rather than just take in their feelings and emotion.

Feelings and emotion have always made more sense to me and rationality is something I am very aware of, but don’t connect to it as well. I am quite logical and to the point with life, but when it comes to living, I am more prone to going with feelings. None of what I am saying makes sense, does it? I seriously find this post a color of light blue, maybe periwinkle even and that color is so calming and beautifully nostaligic to me so no matter what this was worth it to write.

This whole post is a pretty periwinkle.

I have less than two hours left before I can leave the college campus today and the irony is, writing this has distracted me from my workload that I lost focus on about 5 minutes in. Nonetheless, I sat and wrote this post through in one sitting. Hmmm. Life is strange.

Do you struggle with focus and does anything I say make sense?

I hope you are having a periwinkle day.

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If it’s going to be Spring outside in October, I will embrace it with a floral dress and a smile while it’s here. 🙂

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

Honestly, Who cares? & Why I Love Fall

Howdy pals,

It’s now officially fall. Fall is important.

Saying Fall is important and neglecting to say any other season is important is unimportant. Every season is important yet I’m going to focus on our current Autumn time here, why, because it makes sense to our surroundings y’all.

Honestly, I could really stop explaining myself so much. If people understand me they do, and if they don’t, so what? I feel I sometimes am wasting precious moments taking time to explain my thoughts when it is unnecessary at times.

Oh well.

We move forward.

Write rather.

Well… type.

Deep within me, whenever the days begin getting shorter and the days get colder, I do find a little bit of fear. Wow, me have fear? Isn’t that astonishing… ;). The fear comes from the lack of sun I receive usually ends up in making me feel some sort of sadness. I get fretful of this feeling because I don’t have anyway to control this besides continuing to push through and try to get that sunshine the most I can. I am not sure if there’s another reason depression lingers on my heart and in my mind during the fall and winter months, but I’m saying it here right now, I’m determined to try and stop it in it’s tracks this year…

because,

I have way too many hopes, goals, and excitement coming my way, and prayers I’ve been praying to guide the way that I can’t let myself stay down. I just can’t let myself. It’s hard because you can’t alwys control your surroundings, but you can control your outlook.

I have been told I look at the world through rose colored glasses. Yes I do. Does it put me into problems? Sure. Does it hurt my heart sometimes? You bet. Does it cause me to sadness? Oh yes.

Nonethless,

I wouldn’t change a thing about my perspective on being darn positive. I love life, I love experiences and I think every heartache is laced with beautiful moments. When I’m feeling a great sorrow sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking sometimes the most beautiful moments are laced with heartache, but that’s backwards. The first thought was correct. For me, at least.

The first thought was more positive.

I get so upset when I feel people aren’t taking me seriously. Yeah, I care what people think when it comes to how they treat or respect me. I’ve constantly received the “oh so innocent, oh how adorable and oh Molly you’re just always giggly” type of statements. It always gave me a little smile knowing I stayed true to myself, but sometimes it’s hurts, because I feel people don’t think I’m valid when it comes to anything that’s not sunshine and smiles….

Or they don’t know how to take me or view me. Which is fine. I’m a little much once in a while, I’m a little bit silly, actually a whole lot silly, but I’m also aware of my surroundings and aware of when and when it is not the right time to speak, or react or act. I’m getting better and better at speaking up for myself, and hopefully others, as well as when to stay silent. Who cares what other people think, half the time it doesn’t matter anyway going forward.

What does this have to do with my love of Fall?

Ironically, you may think Spring is the time for new beginnings, though I think Fall can be too.

Yeah, I know, it’s getting cold and leaves are falling, but how beautiful are the changes being made in nature?

Quite.

Changes are being made in my life constantly, and I try to make those changes beautiful by looking at them wih my outlook, and that outlook of hope and cheer has brought me this far and kept me alive. I don’t see why I should back down because I’ve had heartaches stem from it.

You can always get back up again.

Leaves change color, fall to the grass, but always grow back.

We change, we sometimes fall, BUT with God and the strength he propels in ya, we can ALWAYS get back up.

Fall is not a time to fall, but a time to be beautiful like every season. It may be harder to stay strong from falling, but think of the beautiful mustering strength within you keeping you up.

God is good.

Of course I also love fall because of Halloween and Thanksgiving, and chilly days full of clouds and thunderstorms and pumpkin pie. I love cozy flannels and soft sweaters and creepy or eerie nights and bonfires with s’mores, but I love Fall because I always feel a new found confidence gearing me up to stay out of the depths of sadness, and remember what beautiful changes are within me that can and WILL be occurring if I let them and not care how people view me. If people don’t take me seriously, who cares?

My motto may be who cares these days, and I worry that seems so insensitive, but…

who cares?

Happy day.

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I can finally wear warm flannels, y’all, and yeah it doesn’t make sense to wear a mini skirt if I’m also wearing tall boots along with a warm shirt to…in fact, stay warm, but who cares? 😉 🙂

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂