Week Color Yellow

Hello non aliens,

I sincerely hope life is going smoothly and excitingly for you at the same time, I hope it is out of this world even considering you are not an intergalactic alien. Considering my life is pretty full of adventure, encounters and change, I could go off on many stories today, but will choose just one encapsulating lesson to focus on for now.

I am very much, very hardly, very very diligently, I should say, working on putting an end to my cares of what other people think about my life, my decisions and my choices, I am in no need of continuing to be so lenient to other people who don’t earn or get my leniency towards them for sake of me “feeling bad” or in effort to make them “feel good” and protect their feelings. I am sure those people don’t always feel the need to “protect mine”.

First off, I care what God thinks of me. He is my Creator, OUR Creator, He is all powerful and the one whom I answer to and will ALWAYS care what He thinks. Other humans living out there lives here on the earth with me, they also need only to care about God’s opinion of them, MY opinion of them, well, it does not matter and vice versa.

Nonetheless, that isn’t to say we shouldn’t respect other people’s feelings, ideals and lifestyles. We can care about other people with decency and kindness, but we don’t have to think we need to answer to other people’s ideas of how we should live if we disagree when it comes to the things that only affect our own selves. Morals are still in place, always.

I was sitting in the car parking lot of a Rocknes with my friend and assistant director one day not long ago. She is a beautiful soul. She encourages me, puts me in my place and helps me. She is seriously, a good friend. She brings me water or coffee or offers help without me asking. These small things mean a lot to me. Well, we were talking and the conversation ended up with a few major themes..

I overthink too much.

I probably overthink if I overthink.

I try to constantly protect other people’s feelings over my own.

It is upsetting to realize I am in some sort of inner turmoil.

I knew I was this way. I always knew it. I think deep down I wanted to think God made me this way because He knew I could be someone out in the world making other people feel good because I would be able to push my own feelings aside enough and be okay through it all. I don’t know if God did make me this way, but if He did, I am thinking He didn’t want it to get to this extremity.

I am not one to anger easily or even become easily annoyed, but I knew something was boiling up inside me more often recently. I had the need to actually vent and in turn I ended up feeling doggone guilty and horrible that I was possibly even…..angry. Normally when I am feeling less vibrant it is because I am hurt, disappointed or sad, NOT because I am fed up, perturbed, or feeling disrespected and taking advantage of. Sometimes I let the overthinking lead to things that could prevent me from my own possible happiness, and I am my own worst enemy. It is then that the anger comes back to myself. It is all a loop no matter how you decide to look at it, and I am going to cut the loop before it can make me more dizzy than it already has.

Well it came time for me to draw a line and cut that loop finally. The past week and a half, wherever in my life that I feel I am once more caring too much about how other people view me, find myself overthinking or letting myself become lenient, I am becoming more aware on how to push forward.

It is difficult, but in the moments where I am able to force myself into the uncomfortable, I become more comfortable and my life is seemingly becoming less of the world’s and more of my own, more of what God’s purpose is for me, and more enjoyable to say the least.

I sincerely hope that if you find yourself with this sort of inner battle, you know that you can fight in and continue to live out the life God intended for you making sure that don’t miss out trying to protect what you have no need or authority to protect. God has got them, God has got you.

The reason this upcoming week is yellow is because yellow signifies new and hope and happiness. I feel this is a week leading towards that. I feel hope because I have let myself realize what I believe will help me for the rest of forever which in turn leads to more happiness in this life.

I hope you feel this same hope.

Have a yellow week!

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

I feel very 1970’s vibe here with the high neck, dark pink velvet and long sleeve dress and tall tannish/brown boots. It is a groove, because life is a groove, always live it groovily and remember you are lovely and beautiful. Okay? Yes. You are. 🙂

A Poem

Hello everyone,

September 21, 2018

When I was lost,

And

When you were not

or so you and I both seemed to have thought,

I thought I was paying the cost,

I thought I was to be staying on the map and being put in one spot,

I thought I was fraught yet

I am the one who went out and sought,

I sought out the place after I connected each little marking map dot,

Oh what life had brought,

I found my destination here on this spot,

The spot you in which you helped to have brought

For me

Only before going and getting more lost than we thought you were not,

You now have yet to find your spot,

You are granted one map and what else is it you’ve got?

Oh I see,

It’s a small, tiny teapot, you’ve got,

You have not a lot in your teapot,

Nevertheless

For you bought me my cost,

I wasn’t paying anything for the shot and being lost

Truly

Yet I’m now on my spot and you have just a teapot,

Though you helped me when I needed to find my way,

And

Now I only hope to help you lead your way with a confident sway. 💙

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Golly, I missed writing poetry.
Happy day.
Love,
Molly Marie 🙂

Week Color Green

Howdy there everyone,

September 9,2018

I hope that you are off to adventures that are helping you find gladness and joy wherever you currently are in life. Currently, I feel I am, though the big idea here is that during this current adventure again, I am faced with making decisions, hard decisions.

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I love the city. Being here everyday makes me so cheerful. 🙂

To start, simply, one thing we all do in life is choose various paths all the time. A small decision can change your life in a moment or down the line. A big decision of course can do the same. I do think that the fact that the same size of an outcome can occur with a small or big decision can end up being the same, shows that no decision is really going to fall under small or big, maybe it just depends on our priorities.

Just this past week I made one of those decisions. Was it difficult? Yes. Perhaps the decision can be based more upon how easy or not so easy it was to make the choice. This decision was not easy.

While I have stated before, I am going to college for theatre. Last year I was working in an office in my own personalized cubicle in a cubicle office neighborhood saving money while continuing to do community theatre so I could achieve and adventure out into the world of pursuing theatre professionally this year. Well I am here and my auditon last week I mentioned in my prior post went well.

The director of the show was even hopeful I had optionally prepared a monologue for him to hear and see me perform. I did not as I was not so sure I’d be auditioning anyway due to fear. Not fear of the stage, not fear I’m not good enough, but other fears. I’d be driving in an insane amount of traffic 5 days a week, I’d be going to class, work and then at the theatre the majority of the week leaving my sleep schedule to go haywire and my life outside of my passions to be almost diminished. I would be driving crazy amounts of time all week. I also would have less time to do what makes my heart relax; enjoying nature, working out, being with my friends and other plain old fun happenings.

I was not ready to put my life outside of school, work and my theatre passion away or maybe I’ll never be if it leads to this type of schedule that I may have been partaking in.

Neverthless, I got a callback.

The fact that the theatre I would be performing at is a famous theatre in a famously known theatre location where I attend school was holding me into the fact that if I DID get a part it could lead to an exciting and not often received experience at my age, lead to new opportunities and lead to who knows what else. The idea was propelling me into a possibility I was scared of.

Sometimes fear can hold us back, but sometimes there is a reason we have fear. Fear can protect us. I believe God wants us to not fear living per say, but I believe he gave us certain feelings of fear, like intuition to PROTECT us.

I emailed the stage manager and before I knew if I was cast or not, I opted out of the show the day after my callback before I possibly was called back. I was free from the current fear.

The relief hit me.

My sleep, my work and my classes and the possibility of theatre elsewhere is still open to me and all stable to where they were before the stress hit. I am still on my adventure, but just where I should be right now.

Was it an unnecessary stress? No.

Yes I was not even cast yet. However, the possibility for the the role was high. I believe it was only me and one other girl in the possibility for the role. She was talented and adorable so it was an honor to see her read from the script at auditions as she has surely has a huge passion as well.

The role would have been a thrill. The show is a tragedy and I felt connected to my character’s innocence and hope about love. Yet, it wasn’t the right time to hold onto the show.

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My smile the day of my auditon was wide. Fear was happening, but an experience was about to begin. 🙂

This week was green. Green because it’s an adventure. Adventure seems green, it’s calm, but brings it’s whirlwinds fully, yet with God I have been able to navigate using the tools and knowledge he continues to give me and help me learn to have and use during any stormy day or decision to make.

I hope you all enjoy your adventure and remember, you are young no matter your age. One decision may hurt to make, but do what’s best and right. You may have got to think that you have so much more opportunity to come out of the decision that hurt to make. You don’t know. Don’t limit your future and let yourself limit yourself.

The stage director was kind and appreciated my message of opting out of the show. I believe the intense fear I am hit with not too rarely in my life is a gift from God. All in all I don’t believe God wants us to fear living and the things that hold us back from purpose, OUR purpose, the purpose He has for us, but fear that is given to us to help guide is and protect us is worth listening too.

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My weeks have earned a thumbs up by staying positive. 🙂

Have a happy week.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

Let Sweetness Overcome Bitterness

Dear lovely humans,

I’m a pretty hyper human being, probably to the point where it can be detrimental in certain circumstances because I get real worked up when I am getting stressed or fearful. It’s probably best in those situations to find the “chill”, but it’s not easy, it’s much easier to find the “chill” when I’m not upset or worried. It’s especially horrible when it’s regarding situations that are completely out of my control… Sometimes these are moments when I resort to aggravating myself with inaccurate thoughts that I have done something wrong or nothing seems to be moving in the so called “right” direction when I know that is not the case, hence “inaccurate “. I let my bitter attitude, yeah basically bitter, take over my heart rather than let God take over my heart and the whole situation…

To be honest this past year for me brought heartache in so many ways. I gave up many of my goals, put them on hold and dove into trying to give myself to other people. I lowered what I will put up with and let myself enter into something that hurt me and made me second guess what I believe in. It’s absolutely not okay. While it is not my fault that some people don’t always recognize the beauty in their souls and let it encapsulate them, and they let the darker parts overrule for the time being, I do think everyone has that beauty deep inside, BUT I do not have to sit around hurting myself waiting to be treated the way I believe would make me feel great. I can move on, and people can either change or not, but I can’t change people. I can change my surroundings, and my mood though, and keep my mindset to what I believe in and stay in that space by stopping to try and make myself believe what I don’t just to get people to be who  I know they are deep inside. Be a positive influence to them, but don’t hurt yourself in the process.

You don’t need to continue being bitter once ties are cut. If the tie comes again, uncut, see what happens or don’t. If the tie doesn’t, forgive and let your heart soar.

To tie up, right now I actually feel calm, serene and genuinely the most hopeful I have felt overall for the past few days, while I always feel hope, sometimes it’s not so hard to grasp the feeling of hope, like right now, and it makes me “hope” (kind of a pun, heh heh) that you too, feel genuinely good and hopeful in the moment you are in, and trust God no matter what… Happy night. 🙂

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

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