Week Color Green

Howdy there everyone,

September 9,2018

I hope that you are off to adventures that are helping you find gladness and joy wherever you currently are in life. Currently, I feel I am, though the big idea here is that during this current adventure again, I am faced with making decisions, hard decisions.

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I love the city. Being here everyday makes me so cheerful. 🙂

To start, simply, one thing we all do in life is choose various paths all the time. A small decision can change your life in a moment or down the line. A big decision of course can do the same. I do think that the fact that the same size of an outcome can occur with a small or big decision can end up being the same, shows that no decision is really going to fall under small or big, maybe it just depends on our priorities.

Just this past week I made one of those decisions. Was it difficult? Yes. Perhaps the decision can be based more upon how easy or not so easy it was to make the choice. This decision was not easy.

While I have stated before, I am going to college for theatre. Last year I was working in an office in my own personalized cubicle in a cubicle office neighborhood saving money while continuing to do community theatre so I could achieve and adventure out into the world of pursuing theatre professionally this year. Well I am here and my auditon last week I mentioned in my prior post went well.

The director of the show was even hopeful I had optionally prepared a monologue for him to hear and see me perform. I did not as I was not so sure I’d be auditioning anyway due to fear. Not fear of the stage, not fear I’m not good enough, but other fears. I’d be driving in an insane amount of traffic 5 days a week, I’d be going to class, work and then at the theatre the majority of the week leaving my sleep schedule to go haywire and my life outside of my passions to be almost diminished. I would be driving crazy amounts of time all week. I also would have less time to do what makes my heart relax; enjoying nature, working out, being with my friends and other plain old fun happenings.

I was not ready to put my life outside of school, work and my theatre passion away or maybe I’ll never be if it leads to this type of schedule that I may have been partaking in.

Neverthless, I got a callback.

The fact that the theatre I would be performing at is a famous theatre in a famously known theatre location where I attend school was holding me into the fact that if I DID get a part it could lead to an exciting and not often received experience at my age, lead to new opportunities and lead to who knows what else. The idea was propelling me into a possibility I was scared of.

Sometimes fear can hold us back, but sometimes there is a reason we have fear. Fear can protect us. I believe God wants us to not fear living per say, but I believe he gave us certain feelings of fear, like intuition to PROTECT us.

I emailed the stage manager and before I knew if I was cast or not, I opted out of the show the day after my callback before I possibly was called back. I was free from the current fear.

The relief hit me.

My sleep, my work and my classes and the possibility of theatre elsewhere is still open to me and all stable to where they were before the stress hit. I am still on my adventure, but just where I should be right now.

Was it an unnecessary stress? No.

Yes I was not even cast yet. However, the possibility for the the role was high. I believe it was only me and one other girl in the possibility for the role. She was talented and adorable so it was an honor to see her read from the script at auditions as she has surely has a huge passion as well.

The role would have been a thrill. The show is a tragedy and I felt connected to my character’s innocence and hope about love. Yet, it wasn’t the right time to hold onto the show.

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My smile the day of my auditon was wide. Fear was happening, but an experience was about to begin. 🙂

This week was green. Green because it’s an adventure. Adventure seems green, it’s calm, but brings it’s whirlwinds fully, yet with God I have been able to navigate using the tools and knowledge he continues to give me and help me learn to have and use during any stormy day or decision to make.

I hope you all enjoy your adventure and remember, you are young no matter your age. One decision may hurt to make, but do what’s best and right. You may have got to think that you have so much more opportunity to come out of the decision that hurt to make. You don’t know. Don’t limit your future and let yourself limit yourself.

The stage director was kind and appreciated my message of opting out of the show. I believe the intense fear I am hit with not too rarely in my life is a gift from God. All in all I don’t believe God wants us to fear living and the things that hold us back from purpose, OUR purpose, the purpose He has for us, but fear that is given to us to help guide is and protect us is worth listening too.

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My weeks have earned a thumbs up by staying positive. 🙂

Have a happy week.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

Let Sweetness Overcome Bitterness

Dear lovely humans,

I’m a pretty hyper human being, probably to the point where it can be detrimental in certain circumstances because I get real worked up when I am getting stressed or fearful. It’s probably best in those situations to find the “chill”, but it’s not easy, it’s much easier to find the “chill” when I’m not upset or worried. It’s especially horrible when it’s regarding situations that are completely out of my control… Sometimes these are moments when I resort to aggravating myself with inaccurate thoughts that I have done something wrong or nothing seems to be moving in the so called “right” direction when I know that is not the case, hence “inaccurate “. I let my bitter attitude, yeah basically bitter, take over my heart rather than let God take over my heart and the whole situation…

To be honest this past year for me brought heartache in so many ways. I gave up many of my goals, put them on hold and dove into trying to give myself to other people. I lowered what I will put up with and let myself enter into something that hurt me and made me second guess what I believe in. It’s absolutely not okay. While it is not my fault that some people don’t always recognize the beauty in their souls and let it encapsulate them, and they let the darker parts overrule for the time being, I do think everyone has that beauty deep inside, BUT I do not have to sit around hurting myself waiting to be treated the way I believe would make me feel great. I can move on, and people can either change or not, but I can’t change people. I can change my surroundings, and my mood though, and keep my mindset to what I believe in and stay in that space by stopping to try and make myself believe what I don’t just to get people to be who  I know they are deep inside. Be a positive influence to them, but don’t hurt yourself in the process.

You don’t need to continue being bitter once ties are cut. If the tie comes again, uncut, see what happens or don’t. If the tie doesn’t, forgive and let your heart soar.

To tie up, right now I actually feel calm, serene and genuinely the most hopeful I have felt overall for the past few days, while I always feel hope, sometimes it’s not so hard to grasp the feeling of hope, like right now, and it makes me “hope” (kind of a pun, heh heh) that you too, feel genuinely good and hopeful in the moment you are in, and trust God no matter what… Happy night. 🙂

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

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Let Your Heart Stay Happy

Dear darlings,

How are ya?

Me? Well I am doing better than ever honestly & today I wanna very much talk about a big contributing factor to my true feelings of hope leading to happiness which in return means I am feeling healthy. That was the big 3 H’s, let’s hear it for alliteration!

*oh golly*

Anyway, so in life I am actually a pretty hyper human being. I have countless energy most of the time, but don’t get me wrong I can be laid back in my personality, but outwordly I can be very enthusiastic. The thing is my energy can be multiplied from positive energy to negative jitters very quickly.

I have a tendency to put myself in places, in situations or around certain people that just are not matching up with my vibe. Instantly, a wave of frantic or stress washes over me and continues to do so until I remove myself from the cause. The hard part about finally removing myself from the cause is letting the cause not inhabit my mind causing me to become stressed even more so and becoming bitter, placing upset and wallowing in something that I should have made a change to long ago.

I am not giving excuses for other places, situations, events or people’s actions, but I also know, I should not dwell on something that is no longer apart of me or my life. If I stay looking back or looking forward even holding even the slightest bitter in my heart and mind towards something or someone, I am not only handling a circumstance poorly, but I am not making my life move forward with positive energy again. Yes, you must learn from the past so you don’t put yourself places you should not be, but don’t hold onto anger, upset or any of the like, because you hold yourself back from changes in past and forward and new and old experiences for yourself.

I tend to aggravate myself with INACCURATE thoughts of me being the cause of doing something wrong, or nothing being able to move in the right direction. You in your heart know if you did something wrong, you needn’t make excuses for other people’s behavior or other circumstances you had no control over, but don’t be unkind, and don’t place blame over and over, failing to move on to a positive state of mind once again.

Let God take over the situation. Pray to him. Pray to him to help you heal, help other situations heal, and pray for people who you may not think deserve it. That’s the hardest of all isn’t it? Praying for people who did you wrong. Well pray for them anyway. This doesn’t mean you have to succumb to letting people treat you wrong, stand up for yourself, but once you pray, it is all in God’s hands, you just move on with a healthy heart that is full of hope taking you day by day in the steps of staying happy.

How do you handle the bitterness that may sink into your heart? I am curious. It happens and you don’t have to feel bad about it, just know it does not have to stay there looming forever, let God take over your heart and replace hurt with hope.

Psalm 42:11 ESV

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.

Happy day!

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

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