Week Color Green

Howdy there everyone,

September 9,2018

I hope that you are off to adventures that are helping you find gladness and joy wherever you currently are in life. Currently, I feel I am, though the big idea here is that during this current adventure again, I am faced with making decisions, hard decisions.

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I love the city. Being here everyday makes me so cheerful. 🙂

To start, simply, one thing we all do in life is choose various paths all the time. A small decision can change your life in a moment or down the line. A big decision of course can do the same. I do think that the fact that the same size of an outcome can occur with a small or big decision can end up being the same, shows that no decision is really going to fall under small or big, maybe it just depends on our priorities.

Just this past week I made one of those decisions. Was it difficult? Yes. Perhaps the decision can be based more upon how easy or not so easy it was to make the choice. This decision was not easy.

While I have stated before, I am going to college for theatre. Last year I was working in an office in my own personalized cubicle in a cubicle office neighborhood saving money while continuing to do community theatre so I could achieve and adventure out into the world of pursuing theatre professionally this year. Well I am here and my auditon last week I mentioned in my prior post went well.

The director of the show was even hopeful I had optionally prepared a monologue for him to hear and see me perform. I did not as I was not so sure I’d be auditioning anyway due to fear. Not fear of the stage, not fear I’m not good enough, but other fears. I’d be driving in an insane amount of traffic 5 days a week, I’d be going to class, work and then at the theatre the majority of the week leaving my sleep schedule to go haywire and my life outside of my passions to be almost diminished. I would be driving crazy amounts of time all week. I also would have less time to do what makes my heart relax; enjoying nature, working out, being with my friends and other plain old fun happenings.

I was not ready to put my life outside of school, work and my theatre passion away or maybe I’ll never be if it leads to this type of schedule that I may have been partaking in.

Neverthless, I got a callback.

The fact that the theatre I would be performing at is a famous theatre in a famously known theatre location where I attend school was holding me into the fact that if I DID get a part it could lead to an exciting and not often received experience at my age, lead to new opportunities and lead to who knows what else. The idea was propelling me into a possibility I was scared of.

Sometimes fear can hold us back, but sometimes there is a reason we have fear. Fear can protect us. I believe God wants us to not fear living per say, but I believe he gave us certain feelings of fear, like intuition to PROTECT us.

I emailed the stage manager and before I knew if I was cast or not, I opted out of the show the day after my callback before I possibly was called back. I was free from the current fear.

The relief hit me.

My sleep, my work and my classes and the possibility of theatre elsewhere is still open to me and all stable to where they were before the stress hit. I am still on my adventure, but just where I should be right now.

Was it an unnecessary stress? No.

Yes I was not even cast yet. However, the possibility for the the role was high. I believe it was only me and one other girl in the possibility for the role. She was talented and adorable so it was an honor to see her read from the script at auditions as she has surely has a huge passion as well.

The role would have been a thrill. The show is a tragedy and I felt connected to my character’s innocence and hope about love. Yet, it wasn’t the right time to hold onto the show.

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My smile the day of my auditon was wide. Fear was happening, but an experience was about to begin. 🙂

This week was green. Green because it’s an adventure. Adventure seems green, it’s calm, but brings it’s whirlwinds fully, yet with God I have been able to navigate using the tools and knowledge he continues to give me and help me learn to have and use during any stormy day or decision to make.

I hope you all enjoy your adventure and remember, you are young no matter your age. One decision may hurt to make, but do what’s best and right. You may have got to think that you have so much more opportunity to come out of the decision that hurt to make. You don’t know. Don’t limit your future and let yourself limit yourself.

The stage director was kind and appreciated my message of opting out of the show. I believe the intense fear I am hit with not too rarely in my life is a gift from God. All in all I don’t believe God wants us to fear living and the things that hold us back from purpose, OUR purpose, the purpose He has for us, but fear that is given to us to help guide is and protect us is worth listening too.

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My weeks have earned a thumbs up by staying positive. 🙂

Have a happy week.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

You Don’t Have to Wander Alone

Dear my pals,                                                                                                             April 23, 2018
Do you ever feel lost?
Well I do. All the time.
I feel like I’m wandering towards nowhere or I’m making small steps that seem to be only taking me in a circle.
It’s not the definition of a good time.
Though I need to remember, what I think is a small step taking me nowhere, isn’t necessarily what is really going on.
I believe, even when it’s hard, that the reason God is only giving me direction in small steps in certain instances is not because he wants me to wander forever or not find my purpose forming into a reality, it’s because he is giving me……*whispers* what I can HANDLE!
To apply this to my last year of life, God knew what he was doing, of course. So to begin, I was so yearning to start embarking on my future dreams, and dive right in. However, God gave me a job that would teach me patience, help me earn money and in turn be a more static part of my life during a time where friendships any other happenings all seemed to fall by the haywire.
Really, my job is a desk job. It is not a dream for me. I want to be doing so many other things. Nonetheless, I have been able to save money, use my time to plan for my future and work on setting myself up for my future and all the while having this job being a simple and not stressful journey for me was a blessing from God when my life outside of work has been quite emotionally difficult, back and forth this year.
I would not have been able to handle all the things I am now going for as easily having stresses from my dream journey pop up, on top of my life outside of my goals, regarding family or friends.
On top of that, I met people here at work who helped bring me through the more difficult moments and now I have a great job to put on my resume with experience and much faster typing speed, ya’ll, because you never know.
Sometimes I make up in my own mind that I can handle more than I can. In which, I probably cannot and so God is giving me my hopes and desires, but he is keeping me healthy along the way, trying to keep me from being overwhelmed, hurt and frankly, frazzled.
Though, I have to trust God to take me where I am going in his timing.
Philippians 4:19 ESV
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus
Love,
Molly Marie 🙂
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