Week Color Yellow

Hello non aliens,

I sincerely hope life is going smoothly and excitingly for you at the same time, I hope it is out of this world even considering you are not an intergalactic alien. Considering my life is pretty full of adventure, encounters and change, I could go off on many stories today, but will choose just one encapsulating lesson to focus on for now.

I am very much, very hardly, very very diligently, I should say, working on putting an end to my cares of what other people think about my life, my decisions and my choices, I am in no need of continuing to be so lenient to other people who don’t earn or get my leniency towards them for sake of me “feeling bad” or in effort to make them “feel good” and protect their feelings. I am sure those people don’t always feel the need to “protect mine”.

First off, I care what God thinks of me. He is my Creator, OUR Creator, He is all powerful and the one whom I answer to and will ALWAYS care what He thinks. Other humans living out there lives here on the earth with me, they also need only to care about God’s opinion of them, MY opinion of them, well, it does not matter and vice versa.

Nonetheless, that isn’t to say we shouldn’t respect other people’s feelings, ideals and lifestyles. We can care about other people with decency and kindness, but we don’t have to think we need to answer to other people’s ideas of how we should live if we disagree when it comes to the things that only affect our own selves. Morals are still in place, always.

I was sitting in the car parking lot of a Rocknes with my friend and assistant director one day not long ago. She is a beautiful soul. She encourages me, puts me in my place and helps me. She is seriously, a good friend. She brings me water or coffee or offers help without me asking. These small things mean a lot to me. Well, we were talking and the conversation ended up with a few major themes..

I overthink too much.

I probably overthink if I overthink.

I try to constantly protect other people’s feelings over my own.

It is upsetting to realize I am in some sort of inner turmoil.

I knew I was this way. I always knew it. I think deep down I wanted to think God made me this way because He knew I could be someone out in the world making other people feel good because I would be able to push my own feelings aside enough and be okay through it all. I don’t know if God did make me this way, but if He did, I am thinking He didn’t want it to get to this extremity.

I am not one to anger easily or even become easily annoyed, but I knew something was boiling up inside me more often recently. I had the need to actually vent and in turn I ended up feeling doggone guilty and horrible that I was possibly even…..angry. Normally when I am feeling less vibrant it is because I am hurt, disappointed or sad, NOT because I am fed up, perturbed, or feeling disrespected and taking advantage of. Sometimes I let the overthinking lead to things that could prevent me from my own possible happiness, and I am my own worst enemy. It is then that the anger comes back to myself. It is all a loop no matter how you decide to look at it, and I am going to cut the loop before it can make me more dizzy than it already has.

Well it came time for me to draw a line and cut that loop finally. The past week and a half, wherever in my life that I feel I am once more caring too much about how other people view me, find myself overthinking or letting myself become lenient, I am becoming more aware on how to push forward.

It is difficult, but in the moments where I am able to force myself into the uncomfortable, I become more comfortable and my life is seemingly becoming less of the world’s and more of my own, more of what God’s purpose is for me, and more enjoyable to say the least.

I sincerely hope that if you find yourself with this sort of inner battle, you know that you can fight in and continue to live out the life God intended for you making sure that don’t miss out trying to protect what you have no need or authority to protect. God has got them, God has got you.

The reason this upcoming week is yellow is because yellow signifies new and hope and happiness. I feel this is a week leading towards that. I feel hope because I have let myself realize what I believe will help me for the rest of forever which in turn leads to more happiness in this life.

I hope you feel this same hope.

Have a yellow week!

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

I feel very 1970’s vibe here with the high neck, dark pink velvet and long sleeve dress and tall tannish/brown boots. It is a groove, because life is a groove, always live it groovily and remember you are lovely and beautiful. Okay? Yes. You are. 🙂

I Must Remember Where I Was at the Start

Hi everyone,

I hope you’re not overwhelmed, but I continue to be. Much of the fact that I am overwhelmed is because opportunities have come knocking and I don’t know which path or direction to take. For a long while I felt I was meandering through parts of life where I couldn’t do much besides stick to one path because that path would eventually lead me to somewhere new or many of these now come opportunities.

Part of these opportunities are about my future job/college/career/goal and dream wise, some of these are friendship/family wise and some of these are personal or emotional wise aspects that are coming to me all at once.

I don’t have much time lately to stop and pause and remember what I would have done and wanted back, not even long ago, when I was struggling and only hoping I would one day soon make it to the path that diverges into several and a half.  Well, God has brought me to the split path and now I am in a bubble of trying to elongate the time I have where I don’t have so much choice and decision.

This is silly on my part because I feel redundant to stay on the path I have been so much eager to leave, so for now I will share one little video with you. I made a Youtube Channel earlier this spring where I was so thrilled to share my hope and faith of God, and passions with you. I want to continue the channel soon when I free some time from other commitments I am making currently with my time I have, but I remember how sad, BUT hopeful I was a few months ago, being stuck and yet moving forward with determination. Looking back at the videos I made helps me remember what I truly think, feel and want. I am glad I made them and am glad to have a moment to ponder what it is I am going to have to decide for my life short term and long term for now.

The video below I talk about my outfit and dressing to feel, well, smiley. I was smiling and hopeful. I knew beneath my smile I also felt tremendous pain and hurt combined with stress, but so much determination and faith kept the smile wide.

I shall live in the moment, I suppose, yes.

Happy day y’all.

 

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

Week Color Periwinkle & My Struggle with Focus

Hello and howdy do da day,

I honestly don’t really feel like writing currently, but I do at the same time.

Oh golly, a very logical start. 😉

You must know that talking about myself or talking about subjects or stories I already know of, think about or talk about, to help bring messages across and hopefully relatable thoughts and experiences in life, can sometimes feel so redundant, and ultimately it can start becoming quite a bore to talk about my life at times.

Why?

I live so much in my own head, I am constantly rearranging, rethinking, OVERthinking, analyzing and imagining everything you can possibly imagine and then some and a half. When it comes time to share stories, share my thoughts or even share my feelings I am more than happy to often times, most times?  I find it so enjoyable often, and am quite open, but then there are many times when it becomes a chore and I would much rather stay silent and ONLY (keyword is “only” right there) observe, take in and see and even when I feel the urge to defend or put my side in, it gets to a mentally overwhelming point at times where I feel too exhausted to care enough to speak….it’s a bummer.

Does this relate to you at all? Rather, can someone relate?

I sometimes feel I speak too much and sometimes don’t speak enough. I sometimes think too much and sometimes forget to let my mind sift more so. I sometimes am so focused and tuned in and sometimes my focus hits 0 and I struggle a whole lot just to grasp some sort of meaning. Sometimes I am calm and collected, but often I am in a mild sort of frenzy energetic state of mind and physical being. Of course, I can control these emotions and physical states well enough and quite often enough to handle in appropriate situations, but the hard part is, it still always comes one way or another and I have to supress it or hold it back from growing.

For example, I started a Bible Study with my friends and we try to meet once a week. It is quite lovely, we check out different coffee shops in various areas to support local businesses as well as widen our coffee shops around the Ohio area knowledge, hehe. Plus, little places like those are absolutely great atmospheres for friendly discussion and tea is tasty…or coffee…or hot chocolate…or water.

Well, I go to Bible study often knowing this is my only increment of free time for the next who knows exactly. I understand we are all busy at times, I understand I don’t have to be busy if I CHOOSE not to be, but I choose to BE busy and therefore, you’ll see where this goes.

So I have school, I go to college about an hour away from my home, depending on traffic commute can vary. I go four days a week. I am directing a show at a community theatre my heart loves, which is very rewarding and I am in a show at that very same theatre which means double rehearsals. I am starting work study, which means I made the choice to work while going to school as I need the money. I also have this Bible study I take care of, and I am trying to attend church more. I have my own little business selling Perfectly Posh. I want to become a fitness instructor so I am studying for that as well. I also am blessed to have many dear friends and a loving family of whom I want to keep a healthy and happy relationship with each and every person in my life. On top of all of that, I want to remain healthy, which means taking care of myself and giving myself free time. Well, where does the free time come in?

That’s where it gets tricky. Again, I make my life busy, so this is all me, I shan’t complain.

I love busy, I do pretty well as making myself have free time too, but we get to the point in three, two, one…

When I am at Bible Study, often I am wishing my relationship with God would grow stronger because in my mind I often feel I am being too busy or something silly when you think about it. I pray all day long, I love God with all my heart and thank Him so often. I am blessed, I see blessings He continues to give me and I feel Him working in my life guiding me and presenting me opportunities I have a choice to make.

I know I have a strong relationship with God and will continue to grow it, but even so having this strong relationship with our Creator, I still struggle in so many areas and one of those being… (hey, we got to the point…)

Focus.

I am determined, yes. I am quite determined.

Say, I am doing an essay for school, I am determined to finish it, and so I get that paper finished. I am determined to get a 100% back, and so I make sure I get that paper back with a 100% on top. I am not, however, focused.

In my definitons here, or feeling defining definitons, I feel focused is more of a present mindset and determination is more of a futuristic mindset. This is getting artsy, I know.

I am definitley not an overall present mindsetted type of woman. I have been futuristic from way back.. (hehe, futuristic from “way back”). EXCEPT, I become very present minded when it comes to painful occurences, feelings, events, and sitations. I become so present I start losing determination to heal and become FOCUSED on feeling those negative feelings and staying put. Wow, what an enigma I have put myself into. It isn’t even just the big “woahs” or “oh my goodnesses” that cause me to lose determination in some way. I often can lose focus on trying to understand someone or something because my mind is whirring so hard, bouncing off the walls inside my cranium looking for who knows what to help solve a problem or what not, it gets annoying to me. I feel that often when I understand people my heart is taking the load of their heart and emotions and so I physically feel and emotionally feel, but my brain is not latching on all the time to their words because it’s anazlying other sense or even nonsense. This is sounding dramatic, but really, whether big or small, not all the time, but QUITE often, I struggle with focus.

I have dealt with my focus issue for, well, I don’t know how long and I don’t really think it matters, but it has began becoming more prominent with my life lately. Whether I lose focus on myself, or focus on a goal or dream, something simple like picking up a recipe to bake and becoming distracted and bored within two minutes and going off and starting something new for an hour before coming back 5 times, I get so upset that I have a problem staying focused, or even letting myself take in the words of someone else’s story rather than just take in their feelings and emotion.

Feelings and emotion have always made more sense to me and rationality is something I am very aware of, but don’t connect to it as well. I am quite logical and to the point with life, but when it comes to living, I am more prone to going with feelings. None of what I am saying makes sense, does it? I seriously find this post a color of light blue, maybe periwinkle even and that color is so calming and beautifully nostaligic to me so no matter what this was worth it to write.

This whole post is a pretty periwinkle.

I have less than two hours left before I can leave the college campus today and the irony is, writing this has distracted me from my workload that I lost focus on about 5 minutes in. Nonetheless, I sat and wrote this post through in one sitting. Hmmm. Life is strange.

Do you struggle with focus and does anything I say make sense?

I hope you are having a periwinkle day.

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If it’s going to be Spring outside in October, I will embrace it with a floral dress and a smile while it’s here. 🙂

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

Honestly, Who cares? & Why I Love Fall

Howdy pals,

It’s now officially fall. Fall is important.

Saying Fall is important and neglecting to say any other season is important is unimportant. Every season is important yet I’m going to focus on our current Autumn time here, why, because it makes sense to our surroundings y’all.

Honestly, I could really stop explaining myself so much. If people understand me they do, and if they don’t, so what? I feel I sometimes am wasting precious moments taking time to explain my thoughts when it is unnecessary at times.

Oh well.

We move forward.

Write rather.

Well… type.

Deep within me, whenever the days begin getting shorter and the days get colder, I do find a little bit of fear. Wow, me have fear? Isn’t that astonishing… ;). The fear comes from the lack of sun I receive usually ends up in making me feel some sort of sadness. I get fretful of this feeling because I don’t have anyway to control this besides continuing to push through and try to get that sunshine the most I can. I am not sure if there’s another reason depression lingers on my heart and in my mind during the fall and winter months, but I’m saying it here right now, I’m determined to try and stop it in it’s tracks this year…

because,

I have way too many hopes, goals, and excitement coming my way, and prayers I’ve been praying to guide the way that I can’t let myself stay down. I just can’t let myself. It’s hard because you can’t alwys control your surroundings, but you can control your outlook.

I have been told I look at the world through rose colored glasses. Yes I do. Does it put me into problems? Sure. Does it hurt my heart sometimes? You bet. Does it cause me to sadness? Oh yes.

Nonethless,

I wouldn’t change a thing about my perspective on being darn positive. I love life, I love experiences and I think every heartache is laced with beautiful moments. When I’m feeling a great sorrow sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking sometimes the most beautiful moments are laced with heartache, but that’s backwards. The first thought was correct. For me, at least.

The first thought was more positive.

I get so upset when I feel people aren’t taking me seriously. Yeah, I care what people think when it comes to how they treat or respect me. I’ve constantly received the “oh so innocent, oh how adorable and oh Molly you’re just always giggly” type of statements. It always gave me a little smile knowing I stayed true to myself, but sometimes it’s hurts, because I feel people don’t think I’m valid when it comes to anything that’s not sunshine and smiles….

Or they don’t know how to take me or view me. Which is fine. I’m a little much once in a while, I’m a little bit silly, actually a whole lot silly, but I’m also aware of my surroundings and aware of when and when it is not the right time to speak, or react or act. I’m getting better and better at speaking up for myself, and hopefully others, as well as when to stay silent. Who cares what other people think, half the time it doesn’t matter anyway going forward.

What does this have to do with my love of Fall?

Ironically, you may think Spring is the time for new beginnings, though I think Fall can be too.

Yeah, I know, it’s getting cold and leaves are falling, but how beautiful are the changes being made in nature?

Quite.

Changes are being made in my life constantly, and I try to make those changes beautiful by looking at them wih my outlook, and that outlook of hope and cheer has brought me this far and kept me alive. I don’t see why I should back down because I’ve had heartaches stem from it.

You can always get back up again.

Leaves change color, fall to the grass, but always grow back.

We change, we sometimes fall, BUT with God and the strength he propels in ya, we can ALWAYS get back up.

Fall is not a time to fall, but a time to be beautiful like every season. It may be harder to stay strong from falling, but think of the beautiful mustering strength within you keeping you up.

God is good.

Of course I also love fall because of Halloween and Thanksgiving, and chilly days full of clouds and thunderstorms and pumpkin pie. I love cozy flannels and soft sweaters and creepy or eerie nights and bonfires with s’mores, but I love Fall because I always feel a new found confidence gearing me up to stay out of the depths of sadness, and remember what beautiful changes are within me that can and WILL be occurring if I let them and not care how people view me. If people don’t take me seriously, who cares?

My motto may be who cares these days, and I worry that seems so insensitive, but…

who cares?

Happy day.

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I can finally wear warm flannels, y’all, and yeah it doesn’t make sense to wear a mini skirt if I’m also wearing tall boots along with a warm shirt to…in fact, stay warm, but who cares? 😉 🙂

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂