Week Color Yellow

Hello non aliens,

I sincerely hope life is going smoothly and excitingly for you at the same time, I hope it is out of this world even considering you are not an intergalactic alien. Considering my life is pretty full of adventure, encounters and change, I could go off on many stories today, but will choose just one encapsulating lesson to focus on for now.

I am very much, very hardly, very very diligently, I should say, working on putting an end to my cares of what other people think about my life, my decisions and my choices, I am in no need of continuing to be so lenient to other people who don’t earn or get my leniency towards them for sake of me “feeling bad” or in effort to make them “feel good” and protect their feelings. I am sure those people don’t always feel the need to “protect mine”.

First off, I care what God thinks of me. He is my Creator, OUR Creator, He is all powerful and the one whom I answer to and will ALWAYS care what He thinks. Other humans living out there lives here on the earth with me, they also need only to care about God’s opinion of them, MY opinion of them, well, it does not matter and vice versa.

Nonetheless, that isn’t to say we shouldn’t respect other people’s feelings, ideals and lifestyles. We can care about other people with decency and kindness, but we don’t have to think we need to answer to other people’s ideas of how we should live if we disagree when it comes to the things that only affect our own selves. Morals are still in place, always.

I was sitting in the car parking lot of a Rocknes with my friend and assistant director one day not long ago. She is a beautiful soul. She encourages me, puts me in my place and helps me. She is seriously, a good friend. She brings me water or coffee or offers help without me asking. These small things mean a lot to me. Well, we were talking and the conversation ended up with a few major themes..

I overthink too much.

I probably overthink if I overthink.

I try to constantly protect other people’s feelings over my own.

It is upsetting to realize I am in some sort of inner turmoil.

I knew I was this way. I always knew it. I think deep down I wanted to think God made me this way because He knew I could be someone out in the world making other people feel good because I would be able to push my own feelings aside enough and be okay through it all. I don’t know if God did make me this way, but if He did, I am thinking He didn’t want it to get to this extremity.

I am not one to anger easily or even become easily annoyed, but I knew something was boiling up inside me more often recently. I had the need to actually vent and in turn I ended up feeling doggone guilty and horrible that I was possibly even…..angry. Normally when I am feeling less vibrant it is because I am hurt, disappointed or sad, NOT because I am fed up, perturbed, or feeling disrespected and taking advantage of. Sometimes I let the overthinking lead to things that could prevent me from my own possible happiness, and I am my own worst enemy. It is then that the anger comes back to myself. It is all a loop no matter how you decide to look at it, and I am going to cut the loop before it can make me more dizzy than it already has.

Well it came time for me to draw a line and cut that loop finally. The past week and a half, wherever in my life that I feel I am once more caring too much about how other people view me, find myself overthinking or letting myself become lenient, I am becoming more aware on how to push forward.

It is difficult, but in the moments where I am able to force myself into the uncomfortable, I become more comfortable and my life is seemingly becoming less of the world’s and more of my own, more of what God’s purpose is for me, and more enjoyable to say the least.

I sincerely hope that if you find yourself with this sort of inner battle, you know that you can fight in and continue to live out the life God intended for you making sure that don’t miss out trying to protect what you have no need or authority to protect. God has got them, God has got you.

The reason this upcoming week is yellow is because yellow signifies new and hope and happiness. I feel this is a week leading towards that. I feel hope because I have let myself realize what I believe will help me for the rest of forever which in turn leads to more happiness in this life.

I hope you feel this same hope.

Have a yellow week!

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

I feel very 1970’s vibe here with the high neck, dark pink velvet and long sleeve dress and tall tannish/brown boots. It is a groove, because life is a groove, always live it groovily and remember you are lovely and beautiful. Okay? Yes. You are. 🙂

Week Color Dark Orange

Howdy to everyone and hi to myself? yes, sure,

You always must remember you are extraordinary and amazing and cool beans and awesome and all that jazz. That’s important.

I hope you are well and most importantly I hope you are smiling.

Right now. Please smile. Life feels nicer when we smile.

My week was full of genuine smiles this week. One short thing I want to mention about those smiles being genuine is that they were genuine because I am consistently letting God be my guide.

When I try to go about my life ONLY on my own and do things the “Molly way” ONLY, my life hurts and starts slowly falling ever so slightly to the wayside of hope. Never does my heart fall completely apart, because our God is good and He is keeping up the pieces for me, but I am seeing the benefits of letting God in more and more right now.

Not long ago was I taking routes I didn’t completely find healthy or hopeful for myself, but I did take those routes because I felt like it. Of course, I think I thought God was involved in some ways and perhaps He was, and of course I was learning and trying to grasp a better understanding on life, but that isn’t the point I am making here.

The point I am making is that for a long time I was placed in tremendous inner battles and tremendous physical battles in my life. Some battles I had no way of fighting myself and some I could fight, always with God on my side. Nonetheless, I felt God was trying to test my faith and I am so glad and overjoyed that I kept the faith.

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I was quite happy in this photo and on this day, and I didn’t have many reasons to be, except I know God is always here beside me. I’ve got faith in Him.

I am now seeing all the joy I had all along, and through many past hardships, what patience, hope and continuous faith can provide. The blessings from God only keep coming and I know faith got me here.

Romans 8:18 ESV

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”

Life is going to continue to put trials and pain in my way, but every time I make it through with God, I know the next occurrence of difficulty above my grasp and sorrow in my wake, that God will lead me through ALWAYS.

Why does this have to do with orange? A dark orange even?

My past week reminds me of orange, dark, because orange to me signifies EXCITEMENT, NEW, possible danger in my future and curiosity. This past week I have been discovering where faith has brought me more and more so… EXCITEMENT.

Why am I excited?

Currently, I am rather fulfilled with my circumstances being rewarding. I am going to school, like I said in a bigger city with a fabulous theatre district.

Last week I gave a performance for the song “Put on a Happy Face” in my voice class and my nerves were almost nonexistent compared to the week before. I felt I had made so much progress from just the previous week or so performance. I stayed with my timing better, felt more secure in the notes and pitch and most importantly, I had CONFIDENCE.

Then I also started my job up here. I work in student services. I love it. The other day I got to work a student get to know each other function and a talented man drew my characterature in about one minute and I got free chicken and veggies. I also get to meet lots of students on campus working in student life.

Back at home I am continually working on my own projects, studying to get my fitness instructor certification, being with friends and family, my Youtube channel, the Bible Study group I put together, and my own relaxation hobbies, like hopefully horseback riding soon, my bike riding and being in nature and working out, and baking up a storm. I love this balance I have achieved.

Thennnnnnn there’s my theatre happy fun times, y’all. I am directing a children’s show at a community theatre which is so rewarding to me. I love children, they have wildly awesome imaginations and will to learn. So besides rehearsals for that, I have been working hard to create a magical set, gather props and organize all that needs to be done for the show coming up.

I also am starting work soon as a Disney Princess for a party company. I get fitted this weekend for Princess Anna and get more training, which I am so pumped about.

I just finished up being in a play called, “The Canterville Ghost” so I currently am not in a play with exciting weekly rehearsals, well, actually I am in a play, but that doesn’t start until later this week so we ain’t going to include that in this post about my past week being orange, okay? No, we can. I love being in a show, EXCITEMENT, plus it’s a Christmas show and so I honestly am just thrilled to get in more holiday spirit through rehearsals. So rehearsals are orange too.

Yikes, I should add something more to this.

Well, one of the most exciting things yet is, I am now on the praise team at church!

God is good and I will worship Him from the bottom of my heart. ❤

I also don’t need people thinking I commit to every possible activity in the book.

I decided not to go to drama club up here at college, that counts as something right? It would have been so neat to get more involved up here in the city, but timing wise, it wasn’t going to work.

Actually, I don’t care what you think. I don’t mean that in a brutle way, but a more, we all shouldn’t try to be proving to everyone why we live out the lives the way we do.

Sometimes I find myself logging off of social media because of a fear I have that I am not going to dive into right now, but the fear is deep rooted in other’s opinions of me. I dislike this very much. Nonethless, I ultimately find myself logging back in and filling up the interweb with colorful emoji NOT overloads of some sort because I care more about doing my thing than what others think, but it does slow me down and hinder me a bit. The point is, EXCITEMENT, okay? Don’t let others ruin your orange excitement!

This, these happenings, are all quite new, so that’s the new aspect of dark orange.

Then there is a warning of..danger…which goes alongside curiosity. All of this excitement can also play into my curiosity because I am constantly curious about everything, whether it be for good, sadly, the bad, thee in between, the crazy crazy and the opposite to the boring, and in conclusion, well, all of the the excitement. Curiosity can get me into things I maybe shouldn’t try to be in or stumble into more than willing, but I like being curious and I think that’s one of my defining qualities, curiosity is in my personality. However, all this excitement does bring danger like I said and it doesn’t necessarily mean WILL bring danger, but it’s a warning of danger because of all these great and happy and exciting things, I have to be careful of the paths opening and coming my way throughout these blessings.

We know our weaknesses and despite my curiosities, I know what to stray and what to strive for. Nonetheless, feeling understanding of possible danger in various circumstances, keeps me safe and helps me keep God at the core of my heart and guidance.

It is certainly an orange time.

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Fall is looking beautiful. I’d say it’s in “full bloom”, but that pun works better for spring flowers popping up. 💖😉🧡

What color was your week and what does it mean to you? 🙂

Have a lovely week.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

 

 

 

Honestly, Who cares? & Why I Love Fall

Howdy pals,

It’s now officially fall. Fall is important.

Saying Fall is important and neglecting to say any other season is important is unimportant. Every season is important yet I’m going to focus on our current Autumn time here, why, because it makes sense to our surroundings y’all.

Honestly, I could really stop explaining myself so much. If people understand me they do, and if they don’t, so what? I feel I sometimes am wasting precious moments taking time to explain my thoughts when it is unnecessary at times.

Oh well.

We move forward.

Write rather.

Well… type.

Deep within me, whenever the days begin getting shorter and the days get colder, I do find a little bit of fear. Wow, me have fear? Isn’t that astonishing… ;). The fear comes from the lack of sun I receive usually ends up in making me feel some sort of sadness. I get fretful of this feeling because I don’t have anyway to control this besides continuing to push through and try to get that sunshine the most I can. I am not sure if there’s another reason depression lingers on my heart and in my mind during the fall and winter months, but I’m saying it here right now, I’m determined to try and stop it in it’s tracks this year…

because,

I have way too many hopes, goals, and excitement coming my way, and prayers I’ve been praying to guide the way that I can’t let myself stay down. I just can’t let myself. It’s hard because you can’t alwys control your surroundings, but you can control your outlook.

I have been told I look at the world through rose colored glasses. Yes I do. Does it put me into problems? Sure. Does it hurt my heart sometimes? You bet. Does it cause me to sadness? Oh yes.

Nonethless,

I wouldn’t change a thing about my perspective on being darn positive. I love life, I love experiences and I think every heartache is laced with beautiful moments. When I’m feeling a great sorrow sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking sometimes the most beautiful moments are laced with heartache, but that’s backwards. The first thought was correct. For me, at least.

The first thought was more positive.

I get so upset when I feel people aren’t taking me seriously. Yeah, I care what people think when it comes to how they treat or respect me. I’ve constantly received the “oh so innocent, oh how adorable and oh Molly you’re just always giggly” type of statements. It always gave me a little smile knowing I stayed true to myself, but sometimes it’s hurts, because I feel people don’t think I’m valid when it comes to anything that’s not sunshine and smiles….

Or they don’t know how to take me or view me. Which is fine. I’m a little much once in a while, I’m a little bit silly, actually a whole lot silly, but I’m also aware of my surroundings and aware of when and when it is not the right time to speak, or react or act. I’m getting better and better at speaking up for myself, and hopefully others, as well as when to stay silent. Who cares what other people think, half the time it doesn’t matter anyway going forward.

What does this have to do with my love of Fall?

Ironically, you may think Spring is the time for new beginnings, though I think Fall can be too.

Yeah, I know, it’s getting cold and leaves are falling, but how beautiful are the changes being made in nature?

Quite.

Changes are being made in my life constantly, and I try to make those changes beautiful by looking at them wih my outlook, and that outlook of hope and cheer has brought me this far and kept me alive. I don’t see why I should back down because I’ve had heartaches stem from it.

You can always get back up again.

Leaves change color, fall to the grass, but always grow back.

We change, we sometimes fall, BUT with God and the strength he propels in ya, we can ALWAYS get back up.

Fall is not a time to fall, but a time to be beautiful like every season. It may be harder to stay strong from falling, but think of the beautiful mustering strength within you keeping you up.

God is good.

Of course I also love fall because of Halloween and Thanksgiving, and chilly days full of clouds and thunderstorms and pumpkin pie. I love cozy flannels and soft sweaters and creepy or eerie nights and bonfires with s’mores, but I love Fall because I always feel a new found confidence gearing me up to stay out of the depths of sadness, and remember what beautiful changes are within me that can and WILL be occurring if I let them and not care how people view me. If people don’t take me seriously, who cares?

My motto may be who cares these days, and I worry that seems so insensitive, but…

who cares?

Happy day.

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I can finally wear warm flannels, y’all, and yeah it doesn’t make sense to wear a mini skirt if I’m also wearing tall boots along with a warm shirt to…in fact, stay warm, but who cares? 😉 🙂

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

Week Color Green

Howdy there everyone,

September 9,2018

I hope that you are off to adventures that are helping you find gladness and joy wherever you currently are in life. Currently, I feel I am, though the big idea here is that during this current adventure again, I am faced with making decisions, hard decisions.

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I love the city. Being here everyday makes me so cheerful. 🙂

To start, simply, one thing we all do in life is choose various paths all the time. A small decision can change your life in a moment or down the line. A big decision of course can do the same. I do think that the fact that the same size of an outcome can occur with a small or big decision can end up being the same, shows that no decision is really going to fall under small or big, maybe it just depends on our priorities.

Just this past week I made one of those decisions. Was it difficult? Yes. Perhaps the decision can be based more upon how easy or not so easy it was to make the choice. This decision was not easy.

While I have stated before, I am going to college for theatre. Last year I was working in an office in my own personalized cubicle in a cubicle office neighborhood saving money while continuing to do community theatre so I could achieve and adventure out into the world of pursuing theatre professionally this year. Well I am here and my auditon last week I mentioned in my prior post went well.

The director of the show was even hopeful I had optionally prepared a monologue for him to hear and see me perform. I did not as I was not so sure I’d be auditioning anyway due to fear. Not fear of the stage, not fear I’m not good enough, but other fears. I’d be driving in an insane amount of traffic 5 days a week, I’d be going to class, work and then at the theatre the majority of the week leaving my sleep schedule to go haywire and my life outside of my passions to be almost diminished. I would be driving crazy amounts of time all week. I also would have less time to do what makes my heart relax; enjoying nature, working out, being with my friends and other plain old fun happenings.

I was not ready to put my life outside of school, work and my theatre passion away or maybe I’ll never be if it leads to this type of schedule that I may have been partaking in.

Neverthless, I got a callback.

The fact that the theatre I would be performing at is a famous theatre in a famously known theatre location where I attend school was holding me into the fact that if I DID get a part it could lead to an exciting and not often received experience at my age, lead to new opportunities and lead to who knows what else. The idea was propelling me into a possibility I was scared of.

Sometimes fear can hold us back, but sometimes there is a reason we have fear. Fear can protect us. I believe God wants us to not fear living per say, but I believe he gave us certain feelings of fear, like intuition to PROTECT us.

I emailed the stage manager and before I knew if I was cast or not, I opted out of the show the day after my callback before I possibly was called back. I was free from the current fear.

The relief hit me.

My sleep, my work and my classes and the possibility of theatre elsewhere is still open to me and all stable to where they were before the stress hit. I am still on my adventure, but just where I should be right now.

Was it an unnecessary stress? No.

Yes I was not even cast yet. However, the possibility for the the role was high. I believe it was only me and one other girl in the possibility for the role. She was talented and adorable so it was an honor to see her read from the script at auditions as she has surely has a huge passion as well.

The role would have been a thrill. The show is a tragedy and I felt connected to my character’s innocence and hope about love. Yet, it wasn’t the right time to hold onto the show.

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My smile the day of my auditon was wide. Fear was happening, but an experience was about to begin. 🙂

This week was green. Green because it’s an adventure. Adventure seems green, it’s calm, but brings it’s whirlwinds fully, yet with God I have been able to navigate using the tools and knowledge he continues to give me and help me learn to have and use during any stormy day or decision to make.

I hope you all enjoy your adventure and remember, you are young no matter your age. One decision may hurt to make, but do what’s best and right. You may have got to think that you have so much more opportunity to come out of the decision that hurt to make. You don’t know. Don’t limit your future and let yourself limit yourself.

The stage director was kind and appreciated my message of opting out of the show. I believe the intense fear I am hit with not too rarely in my life is a gift from God. All in all I don’t believe God wants us to fear living and the things that hold us back from purpose, OUR purpose, the purpose He has for us, but fear that is given to us to help guide is and protect us is worth listening too.

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My weeks have earned a thumbs up by staying positive. 🙂

Have a happy week.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

Let Sweetness Overcome Bitterness

Dear lovely humans,

I’m a pretty hyper human being, probably to the point where it can be detrimental in certain circumstances because I get real worked up when I am getting stressed or fearful. It’s probably best in those situations to find the “chill”, but it’s not easy, it’s much easier to find the “chill” when I’m not upset or worried. It’s especially horrible when it’s regarding situations that are completely out of my control… Sometimes these are moments when I resort to aggravating myself with inaccurate thoughts that I have done something wrong or nothing seems to be moving in the so called “right” direction when I know that is not the case, hence “inaccurate “. I let my bitter attitude, yeah basically bitter, take over my heart rather than let God take over my heart and the whole situation…

To be honest this past year for me brought heartache in so many ways. I gave up many of my goals, put them on hold and dove into trying to give myself to other people. I lowered what I will put up with and let myself enter into something that hurt me and made me second guess what I believe in. It’s absolutely not okay. While it is not my fault that some people don’t always recognize the beauty in their souls and let it encapsulate them, and they let the darker parts overrule for the time being, I do think everyone has that beauty deep inside, BUT I do not have to sit around hurting myself waiting to be treated the way I believe would make me feel great. I can move on, and people can either change or not, but I can’t change people. I can change my surroundings, and my mood though, and keep my mindset to what I believe in and stay in that space by stopping to try and make myself believe what I don’t just to get people to be who  I know they are deep inside. Be a positive influence to them, but don’t hurt yourself in the process.

You don’t need to continue being bitter once ties are cut. If the tie comes again, uncut, see what happens or don’t. If the tie doesn’t, forgive and let your heart soar.

To tie up, right now I actually feel calm, serene and genuinely the most hopeful I have felt overall for the past few days, while I always feel hope, sometimes it’s not so hard to grasp the feeling of hope, like right now, and it makes me “hope” (kind of a pun, heh heh) that you too, feel genuinely good and hopeful in the moment you are in, and trust God no matter what… Happy night. 🙂

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

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