Week Color Indigo

Hello non alien folks,                                       September 17, 2018

“What are you craving?”

My friend asked me this question a couple weeks ago at our weekly Bible study. We had been talking about spiritual hunger and why we really want to have God in our lives, but the discussion took a turn and we talked more about other aspects of life we really yearn for or just plain old want right now. What is on our hearts?

The question got me thinking, which in a sense, maybe I shouldn’t think so deeply so often many a times as that’s where stress wriggles it’s way, self doubt as well, into my life, affecting it more than I should and desire to let it affect me more than it should, in.

About one week later we flash forward to another moment of more self discovery, which is actually more of bringing to the surface what I already knew, but couldn’t quite grasp altogether.  (A reason it is important to have conversation and others in our life, whether close or not is so that they can us gain perspective or perhaps uncover what they notice about ourselves to help guide us).

*shrugs*

Just a thought…

I was sitting with another pal this week, which is the moment of self discovery I just mentioned, sipping our coffee. It was so hot outside, but inside it’s rather cold, (you know, air conditioners, a great invention), so a warm drink always is welcomed to me as I find warm drinks comforting. For example, hot green tea in the morning on a particularly melancholy morning with a little bit of hazelnut creamer is exactly a warm hug, I don’t care if it’s 90 degrees outdoors, the sun is beating down and humidity is hitting  records in my town. The point is, I had my friend, and a comfort drink causing me to kind of feel even more open booked than I already am, atmosphere was cozy (and warm!) and I started spilling.

No I wasn’t spilling my drink, although that would be darn ironic.

I was spilling what was on my mind, and my pal, well she already knew.

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God has beautiful ways of giving us blessings everywhere that He created for moments of uncertainty. 🙂

An inside joke within my family and perhaps a few friends is when asked “What is my fear?”, I like to joke and say. “It is probably easier to tell you what I DON’T fear.”.

Of course I am being silly, I am not scared of everything. I do have a fear of vultures though, isn’t that a fun fact? I am terrified of vultures. I will love those critters from afar.

Anywho, I never was one to let my fears particularly hold me back. Yes, I do often care what other people think, I do often worry an outcome may end in rejection and I do often get scared that something may go wrong, but I usually do whatever it is I want to do anyways. Why? Why because I care more about doing whatever it is I want to do than whatever it is that others may think, whatever hurt the outcome may bring, or whatever may go wrong. Of course I am not stupid about my decisions, remember that.

For instance, I have a great love for fashion. I don’t box myself into one category of “style”, I love vintage fashions and playing with adding modern elements. I love bright colors and getting dressed up. Sometimes these outfits end up being a little bit different or even out there.

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Sparkly pink tennis shoes, a romper with a flowing floral back and a yellow cap sleeve blazer are an unlikely triplet, but hey, it works, and makes me feel confident. 🙂

I have felt self concious in my clothing sometimes. The conclusion is, I don’t let it stop me from wearing what I want. You see, yes I care what other people think about how I look or my clothing, BUT I care much more about being happy in what I am wearing. I do what I want anyway.

My pal said, why don’t I let this apply to my life?

She gave me an analogy. I love analogies, I just love words and speech and all that jazz, y’all. Furthermore, she said pretend there is a bomb. The bomb is ticking down. You have two switches, one switch stops the bomb and one switch makes the bomb explode. You have to make a decision because either way the bomb is going to go off as time is ticking down so just flip one of those switches. If you choose the wrong switch, okay, you can rebuild a city, you have to keep moving.

This stuck with me, because I believe lately I have let self uncertainty become way too prevalent in my life. I am holding back myself from living as fully as I can because of FEAR.

I used to be able to just go for it, and just let hope take hold of me, within safe boundaries of course. God provides us fear I believe as a means to protect us often times.

When I was a wee young little fella my dad once told me that fear is given to us for a reason sometimes. If you are in a tent and there is a lion outside, you are afraid and stay in the tent. This is smart because if you go outside the tent due to not being afraid you will get eaten. Therefore, fear is a helpful emotion in this case.

(My love of analogies may come from my dad, who knows?) 🙂

Though the fear I am experiencing as of lately is not fear to protect me, I know the fear I am experiencing is fear that is preventing me.

My pal told me I am afraid of rejection, maybe even socially.

This was an odd thought to me. I am outgoing, but I am not. I don’t understand myself all the time. I love talking to people and making new friends, I love connections and building relationships, friendships and all that socially social happennings I am usually fine with. As of lately however, I have noticed I am becoming more shy at times with people, people I want to build friendships with, people I want to get to know more, and even opening up the way I want to and usually am able to do so well.

I even became a bit backward in my Acting 1 class and our first drama club meeting here at college. Why did my usual comfort become so uncomfortable? I am warming back up again, but it took awhile. My professor had me sit back and really try to enjoy my breathing before a scene the other day, sensing how unrelaxed I was, which is normal for me, I am always in some sort of mode of stress, but to be honest of my nerves were due to fear of judgement. Since when do I fear what people think of me in an acting class? I love putting myself out there… I don’t poke fun at anyone else, so why am I so concerned on saying a line wrong or interpreting an emotion to be expressed wrongly (and according to my professor, nothing we do on stage is EVER wrong…)?

I have fear.

I am usually so sure of myself, but as of lately that self uncertainty and fear of rejection has tried to make its way into my heart and mind, and I am determined to stop it.

I mentioned in a previous blog I would discuss why I am where I am, or so I believe, in regards to a bit of my past to now here. Well last year I was so certain (well sometimes 😉 ), and had more confidence than normal in certain life areas because to be honest I did not care about myself hardly at all. I was putting my care into others and events, places and things. I was degrading from myself. I was letting myself think differently, go along with decisions differently and give up what my heart had always hoped for, so slowly, but so surely. Due to the fact that I didn’t care about myself, guess what? I didn’t have so much fear. Why would I? I was becoming who I was not. I was not putting much attention into myself as I didn’t matter.

You could say, fear was not preventing me. No fear was preventing me at that time, but fear could have protected me.

I was more adventurous last year, I had no fear. I was more open last year, I had no fear, HOWEVER I was certainly more melancholy last year. I had no fear. (obviously I had fear, but not as much as now.)

I need to work on when to let fear smartly protect me and when to not unfortunately let it prevent me.

Fear is something I am working on balancing. Last year I didn’t let fear prevent me, but this year I am. I know how to use fear to protect me, even better than ever due to experiences occurring throughout my life and, you guessed it, my first year out of high school, *whispers* last year. 😉

Now I need to, as my acting professor tells me, “just let myself go, follow my impulses, and not hold back”, because the one thing I am missing in my life right now is excitement, an adventure.

Don’t get me wrong. I love pursuing theatre at college, I love getting to work at school after class for extra cash, I love exploring the city, I love rehearsal and voice lessons, I love Bible study, I get to work for a Disney Princess party company soon and I am even going to begin riding horses again on one of my days off.

The feeling I miss is the feeling of being alive. I miss feeling like my life is more than just a pursuit to the purpose God has for me YET also a story full of twists and turns of emotions and hope. How do I get that adventure back? I need to let go of prevention fear. I need to be bold once more.

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Here is a cute pony I met at the fair. Seriously, I cannot wait to be around horses again. It is one way I feel connected to my home and the country. Life for me is a constant, city or country? Well, why not both I say. (no question mark there because it is rhetorical and a sure statement).

All in all, my pal addressed what was really going on within me, and my friend with the question of “What am I craving?” brought out an answer that summed up what I am looking for.

Adventure, I crave adventure, but to attain that, I must and I will continue to not let fear prevent me and only protect me.

I feel like this balancing act I am facing within my heart and mind is indigo. A color not quite blue and not quite purple, which is me right now. No I am not referring to being blue or purple, (unless you look at my bruised up legs, hehe), but rather the not quites I face. Indigo is still lovely though. My internal battle right now isn’t all horrible, it is still lovely in the way that I can use this time to really discover more, which I believe I did, about myself, but it is time to move forward.

I must not let fear hinder my heart, you shouldn’t either.

What is your take on fear?

Happy day folks.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

Week Color Green

Howdy there everyone,

September 9,2018

I hope that you are off to adventures that are helping you find gladness and joy wherever you currently are in life. Currently, I feel I am, though the big idea here is that during this current adventure again, I am faced with making decisions, hard decisions.

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I love the city. Being here everyday makes me so cheerful. 🙂

To start, simply, one thing we all do in life is choose various paths all the time. A small decision can change your life in a moment or down the line. A big decision of course can do the same. I do think that the fact that the same size of an outcome can occur with a small or big decision can end up being the same, shows that no decision is really going to fall under small or big, maybe it just depends on our priorities.

Just this past week I made one of those decisions. Was it difficult? Yes. Perhaps the decision can be based more upon how easy or not so easy it was to make the choice. This decision was not easy.

While I have stated before, I am going to college for theatre. Last year I was working in an office in my own personalized cubicle in a cubicle office neighborhood saving money while continuing to do community theatre so I could achieve and adventure out into the world of pursuing theatre professionally this year. Well I am here and my auditon last week I mentioned in my prior post went well.

The director of the show was even hopeful I had optionally prepared a monologue for him to hear and see me perform. I did not as I was not so sure I’d be auditioning anyway due to fear. Not fear of the stage, not fear I’m not good enough, but other fears. I’d be driving in an insane amount of traffic 5 days a week, I’d be going to class, work and then at the theatre the majority of the week leaving my sleep schedule to go haywire and my life outside of my passions to be almost diminished. I would be driving crazy amounts of time all week. I also would have less time to do what makes my heart relax; enjoying nature, working out, being with my friends and other plain old fun happenings.

I was not ready to put my life outside of school, work and my theatre passion away or maybe I’ll never be if it leads to this type of schedule that I may have been partaking in.

Neverthless, I got a callback.

The fact that the theatre I would be performing at is a famous theatre in a famously known theatre location where I attend school was holding me into the fact that if I DID get a part it could lead to an exciting and not often received experience at my age, lead to new opportunities and lead to who knows what else. The idea was propelling me into a possibility I was scared of.

Sometimes fear can hold us back, but sometimes there is a reason we have fear. Fear can protect us. I believe God wants us to not fear living per say, but I believe he gave us certain feelings of fear, like intuition to PROTECT us.

I emailed the stage manager and before I knew if I was cast or not, I opted out of the show the day after my callback before I possibly was called back. I was free from the current fear.

The relief hit me.

My sleep, my work and my classes and the possibility of theatre elsewhere is still open to me and all stable to where they were before the stress hit. I am still on my adventure, but just where I should be right now.

Was it an unnecessary stress? No.

Yes I was not even cast yet. However, the possibility for the the role was high. I believe it was only me and one other girl in the possibility for the role. She was talented and adorable so it was an honor to see her read from the script at auditions as she has surely has a huge passion as well.

The role would have been a thrill. The show is a tragedy and I felt connected to my character’s innocence and hope about love. Yet, it wasn’t the right time to hold onto the show.

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My smile the day of my auditon was wide. Fear was happening, but an experience was about to begin. 🙂

This week was green. Green because it’s an adventure. Adventure seems green, it’s calm, but brings it’s whirlwinds fully, yet with God I have been able to navigate using the tools and knowledge he continues to give me and help me learn to have and use during any stormy day or decision to make.

I hope you all enjoy your adventure and remember, you are young no matter your age. One decision may hurt to make, but do what’s best and right. You may have got to think that you have so much more opportunity to come out of the decision that hurt to make. You don’t know. Don’t limit your future and let yourself limit yourself.

The stage director was kind and appreciated my message of opting out of the show. I believe the intense fear I am hit with not too rarely in my life is a gift from God. All in all I don’t believe God wants us to fear living and the things that hold us back from purpose, OUR purpose, the purpose He has for us, but fear that is given to us to help guide is and protect us is worth listening too.

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My weeks have earned a thumbs up by staying positive. 🙂

Have a happy week.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

A Fresh Start

Dear deers,                                                                       August 29, 2018

Basically, my life has been cuckoo crazy as is many of yours I am sure. After a whirlwind of a year, emotionally, physically and all involved, I made many huge changes in my life that were, well, emotionally, physically and all involving of my time and energy. Those changes started taking effect quicker than my mind perceived that they were going to and my heart took awhile to be completely okay with the process I wasn’t prepared to perceive. Let’s go ahead and go with the thought that my life changed more than I expected to in a matter of months and I learned more than I thought I possibly could about living and my own soul more than I thought I was about to in my first year after high school.

I do want to ask however, how are you? I do hope well.

Now to begin, I will go a little backwards, because my mind works in a strange way. Furthermore, I see letters as colors. People as colors. Everything is in colors. Do you understand or see the same? I don’t feel this is a strange thing, yet it is a bit different as I have seen how it affects me in my day-to-day life. Certain colors draw certain feelings from me, this relates to the letters and people who also receive different colors from my mind subconsciously. I don’t assign a color on purpose, it just happens. I think this is my body’s way of telling me how my body and heart and mind are sensing a situation or various people. Throughout my next few writings I want to take you from the now and back to the lessons and events that brought me to the mindset and place I am currently in, and I want to use these colors to show you how I think God gives us all different mentalities or sensings to navigate our way through life. These gifts God gives us are unique, just like your story and YOU.

Look, my backpack!

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I love the aesthetic here, folks. We got pastels, flowers, polka dots, and need I say, woodland animal pals! 🙂

On Monday August 27, 2018, I started taking courses at a community college in a major city in my state. This is my second year out of high school. I have not taken college courses since I was in high school as part of the college credit plus program where I was grateful to earn some credit for basic courses for free. I am just now on my journey again to achieve a passion of mine that I decided on finally, THEATRE! Musical theatre to be more specific, is where I see my life taking me for the moment. How I decided, we will get to, but for now, we shall pretend that I have known theatre has been my absolute choice for years to journey onward with and theatre only. Oh the irony.

I am taking a basic course about interpersonal communications that I am required to take. The course talks about creating, managing, growing and also, if the time calls for it, knowing how to CUT off relationships in life, whether they be romantic or not. The actual definition for interpersonal relationships is as follows- the process through which people create and maintain relationships, exercising mutual responsibility in creating meaning. How do I know that fancy worded definition? I had a quick quiz on it today, hehe. I did get 10/10 so that’s a good start, am I right? It always feels good to start off with a perfect grade in the class, establish that positive baseline I like to think.

I am also taking an online math class I have to take. I love math. The class has not yet started. I should be fine. No, take that back. I will be fine. I know my math.

Now onto the theatre classes. I want to pursue musical theatre, however the college doesn’t have a specific musical theatre program, but rather a dance, theatre and music program of which I have kind of created my own little musical theatre program from and will take classes from each emphasis and I shan’t let anyone stop me, hehe. If I do decide to take 2 more years of school and transfer to a musical theatre program at another school, I will have experience and credits to follow me over right into the program of artsy splendor.

The classes I am taking within my made up musical theatre program for myself are acting one and voice.

I cannot wait to share more of my experiences in my classes, but again as this is just a where are am I currently, I will hold back a bit. Let’s be honest, I may jump back and forth a bit, and that’s okay too.

My acting one class is very theatrical and artsty. My voice class is very positive and informative.

Tomorrow in voice I take my range test, so hopefully when my upbeat professor plays the piano for me, and I sing off the notes, my range behaves. I have a voice lesson tonight with my talented and sweet voice teacher of several years which will surely help engrave some confidence in me for tomorrow as well as vocal practice and proper usage.

My theatre professor has a different method to approach acting in class and I must say it is increasingly difficult for me to use his method. I am open to new approaches, this will be a challenge for me though. Ultimately, I understand, I can take what I learn and apply it to myself if I decide it is helpful as I don’t wanna lose what helps me and makes me, me, but I still wanna dive in a bit if I can to the new technique.  He told me to maybe approach the class with fresh eyes, as he knows I have done theatre for many years, and yet told me I am being clever and being an actor before almost correcting these description words he placed upon me. What he wants for me to do is yes, be clever, yes act, but just BE. I need to BE, follow my impulses, don’t analyze beforehand and do what feels right. Well, well, well, here is where my already developing in a different way somewhat of acting mindset, logical mindset, literal outlook and artsy side all start clashing. We do short, no more than 6 line plays, to start getting comfortable, and already my professor said to me, I need to not RELAX as that can be taken negatively to someone being told it, but to find ways to ease myself.

This is difficult.

You’ll learn more and more, I don’t do the whole relaxing thing much. I stress. I fidget. I am a busy body. My mind keeps me spinning and my heart is seemingly really into rushing often. Yet, the deep breathes my professor prescribed me, did help.

What will come of class? I am not sure.

All I know is that I feel fresh this week. My life feels like it is going in the direction I have deep in my heart has known it could and should be for years, and not just because of my path to a life on the stage taking, hehe, taking the stage, but on other branches too.

I feel like I was just born into some new time period and am now on a clean slate of doing what it is I want and nothing can or is holding me back. I am me. I believe this is God bringing me out of the dimly lit and giving me a new or just different lightbulb to use on this adventure.

2 Corinthians 4:6 “For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.”

My walk with God most certainly has brought this light even brighter for me this year.

I have my first audition next week for a play called A View from the Bridge with the college. It is going to be playing at a famous theatre area in the city at a huge theatre in that famous theatre area. I feel delighted to say the least to even get to audition.

Onto the color.

Anywho, I was on a walk around campus my first day and found these flowers. It reminded me of a new season that is blooming, bright and colorful. My aesthetic this is. The bright pink is a color I see of guidance and new vibes for myself for the now. I feel more like me than ever, but a different me. God is giving me something new, something to develop. It is blue as well. The atmosphere and my soul feels blue, but not sad blue, new blue. I don’t think the blue will go away too soon either, it seems stuck like, glue. (I took the opportunity for a rhyme there.)

I love colors, yes.

They are bright and not so much.

They mean a whole lot.

There was a color haiku. Haiku for a rhyme with blue and glue.

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I also saw a squirrel on my walk. I used to have may squirrel friends last year at a certain place too on my walks.

Life is funny.

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Have a good day.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

Don’t Dwell in Self Pity

Hello my friends,

I would like to share with you something on my heart in video form. I have this video over on my Youtube channel signedlovemollymarie. The video talks about why we can find happiness in our heart, but we can’t sit around pitying ourselves. We have to move forward, and not make excuses for treating others in a less than sweet way because of our past. We need to constantly work on being the people we truly are in our hearts, letting the beauty God placed in us encapsulate us, but it takes work. We cannot make excuses for our wrongdoings. We have to step up to the plate and move forward.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

Let Sweetness Overcome Bitterness

Dear lovely humans,

I’m a pretty hyper human being, probably to the point where it can be detrimental in certain circumstances because I get real worked up when I am getting stressed or fearful. It’s probably best in those situations to find the “chill”, but it’s not easy, it’s much easier to find the “chill” when I’m not upset or worried. It’s especially horrible when it’s regarding situations that are completely out of my control… Sometimes these are moments when I resort to aggravating myself with inaccurate thoughts that I have done something wrong or nothing seems to be moving in the so called “right” direction when I know that is not the case, hence “inaccurate “. I let my bitter attitude, yeah basically bitter, take over my heart rather than let God take over my heart and the whole situation…

To be honest this past year for me brought heartache in so many ways. I gave up many of my goals, put them on hold and dove into trying to give myself to other people. I lowered what I will put up with and let myself enter into something that hurt me and made me second guess what I believe in. It’s absolutely not okay. While it is not my fault that some people don’t always recognize the beauty in their souls and let it encapsulate them, and they let the darker parts overrule for the time being, I do think everyone has that beauty deep inside, BUT I do not have to sit around hurting myself waiting to be treated the way I believe would make me feel great. I can move on, and people can either change or not, but I can’t change people. I can change my surroundings, and my mood though, and keep my mindset to what I believe in and stay in that space by stopping to try and make myself believe what I don’t just to get people to be who  I know they are deep inside. Be a positive influence to them, but don’t hurt yourself in the process.

You don’t need to continue being bitter once ties are cut. If the tie comes again, uncut, see what happens or don’t. If the tie doesn’t, forgive and let your heart soar.

To tie up, right now I actually feel calm, serene and genuinely the most hopeful I have felt overall for the past few days, while I always feel hope, sometimes it’s not so hard to grasp the feeling of hope, like right now, and it makes me “hope” (kind of a pun, heh heh) that you too, feel genuinely good and hopeful in the moment you are in, and trust God no matter what… Happy night. 🙂

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

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Let Your Heart Stay Happy

Dear darlings,

How are ya?

Me? Well I am doing better than ever honestly & today I wanna very much talk about a big contributing factor to my true feelings of hope leading to happiness which in return means I am feeling healthy. That was the big 3 H’s, let’s hear it for alliteration!

*oh golly*

Anyway, so in life I am actually a pretty hyper human being. I have countless energy most of the time, but don’t get me wrong I can be laid back in my personality, but outwordly I can be very enthusiastic. The thing is my energy can be multiplied from positive energy to negative jitters very quickly.

I have a tendency to put myself in places, in situations or around certain people that just are not matching up with my vibe. Instantly, a wave of frantic or stress washes over me and continues to do so until I remove myself from the cause. The hard part about finally removing myself from the cause is letting the cause not inhabit my mind causing me to become stressed even more so and becoming bitter, placing upset and wallowing in something that I should have made a change to long ago.

I am not giving excuses for other places, situations, events or people’s actions, but I also know, I should not dwell on something that is no longer apart of me or my life. If I stay looking back or looking forward even holding even the slightest bitter in my heart and mind towards something or someone, I am not only handling a circumstance poorly, but I am not making my life move forward with positive energy again. Yes, you must learn from the past so you don’t put yourself places you should not be, but don’t hold onto anger, upset or any of the like, because you hold yourself back from changes in past and forward and new and old experiences for yourself.

I tend to aggravate myself with INACCURATE thoughts of me being the cause of doing something wrong, or nothing being able to move in the right direction. You in your heart know if you did something wrong, you needn’t make excuses for other people’s behavior or other circumstances you had no control over, but don’t be unkind, and don’t place blame over and over, failing to move on to a positive state of mind once again.

Let God take over the situation. Pray to him. Pray to him to help you heal, help other situations heal, and pray for people who you may not think deserve it. That’s the hardest of all isn’t it? Praying for people who did you wrong. Well pray for them anyway. This doesn’t mean you have to succumb to letting people treat you wrong, stand up for yourself, but once you pray, it is all in God’s hands, you just move on with a healthy heart that is full of hope taking you day by day in the steps of staying happy.

How do you handle the bitterness that may sink into your heart? I am curious. It happens and you don’t have to feel bad about it, just know it does not have to stay there looming forever, let God take over your heart and replace hurt with hope.

Psalm 42:11 ESV

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.

Happy day!

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

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You Are Valuable

Dear darlings,

Today I share with you my first Youtube video. My Youtube channel will be full of content relating to living life in a positive way, with God as the reason why we are able to keep moving forward in all circumstances, all the while showing you how valuable you are, from the simple things to the more complex happenings life has to offer us.

Please take a moment and watch my video, like, subscribe to my channel for hopeful or just happy and jolly content and share my video with others. I want to garner a sense of community with you all, sharing our testimonies, dreams, hopes, hobbies and our FAITH!

Sometimes in life we don’t feel valuable, whether that is because we are in situations that seem bleak, other folks don’t make us feel important or we just want to give up. These are moments where we need to remember we cannot give up and when you need to most remember that you are most definitely valuable. God values you so much, let him into your heart to help guide you to joy.

I hope you all have a happy day, remember you are valuable, so valuable.

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Dear non aliens,                                                                                                         April 30, 2018

Life is too short to let yourself wallow in misery. Life is too short to keep yourself sitting in sorrow. Life is way too precious to not take every opportunity you have to sit back, chill out and just laugh. The good kind of laugh, the kind, kind that makes your cheeks hurt and eyes wrinkle and has you clapping like a seal in a circus and gives you hope.

Yes there are hard times, yes life comes with its sorrow, but there comes a point where you realize you cannot always change a circumstance and you move on. Don’t stay in the past when you have a whole future that’s up to you, waiting in front of you. Let God guide you to blessings.

I mean honestly, you’d think some people thrive upon pity for themselves and enjoy lacking hope. Don’t fall into that trap. What good comes from letting yourself stay in the mindset of life being a disappointment? Nothing. Even when horrible times happen, keep the faith, y’all, because we cannot return to the past, only step towards tomorrow.

I understand how sometimes the future seems bleak and invisible. This is where we begin to doubt. Not long ago I was filled with doubts because my mind couldn’t seem to make a decision that would be what “made sense” for my future in terms of career or college or basically all those “where am I going” questions. Last year I was working on a farm, I absolutely loved it. I helped with kids birthday parties and field trips and gave pony rides. Not to mention the farm was about 2 minutes from my home, hello saving gas money! However, I couldn’t stay there. I had to move forward, I needed more hours, and I needed to further my education or I needed a full time job so I could continue saving money. I had no idea what I was going to be doing, but I can look back now and realize there was no need for me to stress so much, leaving such an enjoyable job for me was not fun, however, God knew what he had in store for me would be even more fun. I am still on a journey, but I can rest knowing God has something in plan for all of us, why waste time being angry things aren’t going our way?

Do I wish I could have stayed at a more fun job than I am working at for the time being now? Yes, but what is best for me and down the road, is in God’s hands. I have faith.

I find it easier to relax in the moment and just giggle about the silliest of situations when I come out of hard situations always realizing that with faith, God is with me and helping me.

Take a moment and breathe and then laugh.

Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” Pslams 126:2 ESV

Love,

Molly Marie 🙂

 

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You Don’t Have to Wander Alone

Dear my pals,                                                                                                             April 23, 2018
Do you ever feel lost?
Well I do. All the time.
I feel like I’m wandering towards nowhere or I’m making small steps that seem to be only taking me in a circle.
It’s not the definition of a good time.
Though I need to remember, what I think is a small step taking me nowhere, isn’t necessarily what is really going on.
I believe, even when it’s hard, that the reason God is only giving me direction in small steps in certain instances is not because he wants me to wander forever or not find my purpose forming into a reality, it’s because he is giving me……*whispers* what I can HANDLE!
To apply this to my last year of life, God knew what he was doing, of course. So to begin, I was so yearning to start embarking on my future dreams, and dive right in. However, God gave me a job that would teach me patience, help me earn money and in turn be a more static part of my life during a time where friendships any other happenings all seemed to fall by the haywire.
Really, my job is a desk job. It is not a dream for me. I want to be doing so many other things. Nonetheless, I have been able to save money, use my time to plan for my future and work on setting myself up for my future and all the while having this job being a simple and not stressful journey for me was a blessing from God when my life outside of work has been quite emotionally difficult, back and forth this year.
I would not have been able to handle all the things I am now going for as easily having stresses from my dream journey pop up, on top of my life outside of my goals, regarding family or friends.
On top of that, I met people here at work who helped bring me through the more difficult moments and now I have a great job to put on my resume with experience and much faster typing speed, ya’ll, because you never know.
Sometimes I make up in my own mind that I can handle more than I can. In which, I probably cannot and so God is giving me my hopes and desires, but he is keeping me healthy along the way, trying to keep me from being overwhelmed, hurt and frankly, frazzled.
Though, I have to trust God to take me where I am going in his timing.
Philippians 4:19 ESV
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus
Love,
Molly Marie 🙂
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